The Art of Drunk Texting

“I can say whatever I want, to whoever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want…” – Eminem

I am not proud of my actions last night.

It started off badly. I lost a sack of herb somewhere in my room and spent an hour plus looking for it. The sack is still at large.

My friend, “King Lear” and I, arrive at the bar at 9pm. I am in great spirits even though I just lost sixty bucks worth of product.

King Lear didn’t have any money so I would be footing the bill tonight. The bar we go to is the one where our friend works and we regularly get a crazy discount. We arrive at 9 P.M.

Nothing of consequence really happens the whole night, we take a LOT of shots. chat with some friends, some girls, but nothing *too* aggressive. There was a girl with HUGE boobs that I wanted to talk to, but didn’t.

Anyways, dejected, I leave paying a $54 tab for the evening. Not too shabby for five hours of drinking.

Except at this point, I get it into my mind that it is time to start drunk texting! Commence the shit show!

I had been listening to Tim’s Flawless Natural program at work over the past week and remembered that he messaged girls that didn’t respond to him with the simple text message: “you are shit.” I was drunk, I thought this was a great idea, so I messaged like three girls with this message. Of course I get messages back that say, “don’t ever talk to me again,” “goodbye, asshole.” Basically, they all tell me that I am a wonderful human being.

I know that I some exchange of words after that, but my recollection is hazy. I can’t look at my sentbox to see what I sent because at some point, I must have realized that I was drunk texting and proceeded to delete all of the girls numbers I was drunk texting. Then I emptied out my sentbox and inbox.

Now, I can’t even say “hey, I’m sorry” because I don’t remember the numbers. I am not sure I would say sorry anyways, I  would probably try to play it off and say I meant to type “you are THE shit.”

Meanwhile, I have inadvertently started off 2009 with a clean slate. Nope, no more girls of 2008, 2009 chicks will be all new baby!

King Lear and I moved onto after hours, where our one boy was dj’ing. This is where I did most of my text messaging. I spent a large portion of the night sitting on a bench and sending them out. Around 3 A.M. my ex-girlfriend, The One, started texting me, and this started a whole new round of texting. This exchange wasn’t mean at all, but it was just simply unnecessary.

I do feel embarrassed, but I’m smiling as I sit here typing this. I am not angry at myself because this is not something I do all of the time. I simply need to learn not to be outcome dependent and have the most fun possible in the present moment, even when I am shitfaced drunk. If I were to see any of these girls in person, I would sincerely apologize, and would understand if they don’t want to talk to me. I would even understand if they hit me or spilled a drink on me, which would be a first for me and hey, I’m all about new experiences!

They are just girls that I was not emotionally attached to. There are many more fish in the sea, and I will just move on.


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