“If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” – Albert Einstein
That is the emotion that best describes me right now.
I am angry because I have just come to the realization that I have been shitted on.
My current job is a bad work environment. The team I am on is under constant pressure to meet goals that are unattainable and as a result we CONSTANTLY have our jobs threatened. We live in fear that any one of us can get axed at any time.
I work as a contractor in the IT department of a bank.
The whole team I am on is contracted outside of the head manager. My boss, a lower level manager, is also a contractor. My boss told us two or three weeks ago that we should begin looking for positions elsewhere.
So what did I do? I looked for positions elsewhere.
Last week, I had a job interview, it went well. I was basically told that if my references checked out, the job was mine. This week, I pull my boss aside, and I talk to him. My boss tells me that he has been applying for other positions. I figure that’s the green light to tell him-I had an interview last week, and there’s a good chance I might get hired, the new place might be calling you. He says, “cool, congratulations.”
The next day, I get a call from my contractor: “I hear you’re leaving. We’re really surprised, why would you want to do us like that?”
This motherfucker told my contractor.
I tell my contractor that while it’s true I don’t like my job, I am a man of integrity and if I were to get another position, I would give two weeks notice. I am not here to shit on anyone!
The next day, my boss talks to a co-worker and says, “oh, we don’t know about him, he’s thinking about leaving, we’re going to have to go in a different direction.”
I thought we were ALL going in different directions?
But wait, there is more!
I happen to talk to other members of my team about their salary. It turns out that EVERYONE makes significantly more $$$ than me, TO DO THE SAME JOB!
It isn’t about age (there is someone younger), it isn’t about experience (I am pretty experienced), it’s not even about skills (we all do the same job, and I am actually more technically inclined than anyone), it’s about me being a damned sucker and not standing up for myself.
I want to scream at my boss for not having the common courtesy to keep shit to himself. I want to scream at my contractor rep. for treating me like a sucker. I left a decent job to come to the shithole I work at now, and this is how I get treated?
But I can’t be too angry, do you know why?
Because all of this is my fault.
It’s my fault for leaving my last job to go to the new one. It’s my fault for not asking for more money and sticking firm to an amount that I would be comfortable with. It’s my fault for trusting my boss who I thought was a friend, but in all reality, I don’t know him well at all.
Sometimes, things don’t work out the way I planned and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have to take my lumps as they come and move on. I have to let the anger I feel inside pass, writing about it makes me feel a lot better.
I will enjoy my remaining days at this job the best I can, and then move onto the next job (*knocks on wood*). I will learn from my mistakes: I won’t be so trusting, and I will be more aggressive when it comes to salary matters.
On a more positive note, I am about to head to the bar.
It is 80’s night, but this one is a little special because it’s their 2-year anniversary. It’s supposed to go ALL NIGHT! I can just imagine myself now, stumbling out of there at 6AM, only to shower, eat some breakfast and be at work at 9pm.
Hurts me just thinking about it!
My goal when I go out tonight is to have fun. I want to talk to girls, I want to dance with girls, but overall I want to fun while like listening to dope music.I am a hip hop guy and I like to get some variety in my life whenever I can.
I need to do a goals review soon on this blog. I actually should get on a regular schedule to review them. The Thursday and Monday posts sound like good days, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will be dominated by field reports, so bookending my weekends with goals reviews sounds good to me.