“You know… I don’t think my father would approve of me dating the undead, and you’re probably too nice a zombie-pirate for me anyway. Let’s just be friends instead.” – Elaine Barley in The Curse of Monkey Island
I went out last night.
My roommate, his ex-girlfriend and I went to see Notorious. A good, but not great, movie. I love this quote that Diddy says to B.I.G:
“In order to change the world, we have to change ourselves.”
On the way home, my roommate dropped me off at the bar where I met up with PartyGirl and PghGirl.
Party, Pgh and I were a team this past summer. We worked together, ate lunch together and went to the bar together. This past fall, Party and I found new jobs and everyone drifted apart. These two can be fun to hang out with, they are a refeshing change from the majority of my friends, because they are not intellectuals and don’t go to hipster events. They are attractive, girly girls that like to dress up and go to the club.
It was $1 Taco night at the bar we were at and I ate four. We were at the bar basically alone so there were no girls to talk to. Instead, I just caught up with those two, whom I hadn’t talked to in a long time. As we were leaving, the girl that PartyGirl’s boyfriend sees on the side walked into the bar. PartyGirl is a really melodramatic person and started freaking out. I found the whole situation funny, nothing happened, though.
I caught a ride with PghGirl as we moved onto a more ritzy bar where PartyGirl’s boyfriend was spinning. It was pretty empty there, too. It was a Monday night, after all. Nothing too eventful happened as we didn’t stay long. I was back home by 12:30am.
Both girls had this revelation about me, they said that I am much nicer and relaxed now because I am getting laid. I have a more positive demeanor than usual. This was funny, because I’m not getting laid right now, but I guess the prospect of having ladies in my life when there usually are none puts me in a much more positive mood.
I had been texting the redhead throughout the whole night. We had patched things up after the debacle on Friday when she was out of control. She thinks that a guy spiked her drink that night and that’s why she acted so erratically. While I certainly won’t rule out of the possiblity of her drink being spiked, I often think that girls use that as a cop out because they can’t hold their liquor. I don’t know redhead all too well though, so a spiked drink may have very well been the case.
During our texting, I have been trying to build things up sexually, but it’s not working. After Friday’s debacle, and me ignoring her on Saturday, something was lost between her and I. It seems much more like a friendship than two people who want to get together and fuck. I don’t know what to do about it. This always happens to me!
Part of me wants to place her down in my priority list, keep her as a friend, if she wants to hang out, then fine. There are sooo many other girls out there. The other part of me wants to get real aggressive and give her an ultimatum, either we start taking things sexually, or we stop talking altogether.
I know that the latter option is not me right now. I am just not that forthright and would begin to feel guilty if things went bad. Remember how I said I wasn’t talking to her after Friday night for awhile? Well I got drunk on Saturday night and started texting her again.
There was another girl I met two months ago where the same thing happened. I took HipsterGirl home the same night I met her at the bar, but unfortunately my penis decided to go into hibernation. We have remained in the friends zone ever since. On New Years eve, she was part of the drunk texting rampage that I went on, but thought all of the messages I sent were funny. I invited HipsterGirl to an MLK day event yesterday, but she declined because she didn’t want to take the bus with me.
So, when I do get up the courage to meet girls, I am STILL not aggressive enough and get thrown into the friends zone. Do you see how much a lack of self-confidence can hamper success in a person’s life? This is all very frustrating, to know what I have to do, but still not do it, just because of my brain.
Or as David Wygant put it so eloquently:
You have no physical handicaps. You have only mental handicaps. You are allowing a weak mind – and your fears and insecurities – to dominate your life. You’re not willing to communicate with people because you’re not willing to push yourself the extra distance.
Geez. that cuts right to the bone. I am going to have to write that somewhere so it’ll be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.
Right now, if I were to rate how I treat myself on a scale of 1 to a million bucks, I think $50 would be accurate right now. This needs to STOP and it’s frustrating because I am not sure that I know how!
Since I went out last night, no goals update today, but there will be tomorrow.