I contemplated shutting down this blog today.
I wasn’t planning on shutting it down completely, but merely moving all of the posts to private status. I had a crisis where I became paranoid that someone I know might happen upon this blog. I also questioned the point of this blog-do I really need to have an anonymous blog? Couldn’t I just do the same thing with a personal journal (which I have) or in a word document?
This is a question I am going have to answer over the next couple of days.
The pros to having a public but anonymous blog this are: 1.) I am stating my goals in a public avenue, so that anyone reading can post here and say, “what the f are you doing?” and 2.) I can get advice from complete strangers.
I really don’t talk too bad about anyone on this blog, so if I were to be found out I don’t think it’d be that big of a deal. It’d be more of an issue about how weird I am!
I read a good bit of Leo Babauta’s The Power of Less today.
He talks a good deal about simplifying and putting limitations on what you do in order to be able to accomplish more. Mr. Babauta argues that in a world of multi-tasking, too many people are not getting anything done, because they are trying to get too much done. In the process of trying to get 20 things done at one time, tasks get diluted or abandoned altogether. Focusing on doing a few things and doing them well, is much more effective.
This is exactly my problem.
Therefore, I am going to eliminate some goals from the Best year of My Life list, many of which I plan on coming back to later. Babauta suggests trying to one goal at a time, for 30 days, since it takes 30 days to become a habit.
Without further ado:
Let’s first look at the list of goals overall and see which ones are left or have been amended:
1. Write on this blog everyday
2. Cut down on watching porn
3. Meditate Everyday
4. Exercise/Eat healthy
5. Apply for new job/Graduate School
6. Meet More Women
7. Learn How to Drive
8. Finish Rap Album
9. Better Management of $$$
Leo talks about breaking things down to the essential and non-essential. he suggests breaking things down to one goal at a time, starting with the most important first. If I were to break it down to ONE GOAL that affects me most in my life, it’d be WOMEN.
Not having women, for as long as I can remember, has been the #1 tried and true source of disappointment in my life. Tyler Durden says, “If you do not have women actively in your life, you are failing at one of your core purposes.”
This is not to say that I would like to have wild orgies with 2 or 3 women a night, but I think that having 1 or 2 women that I could spend time with on a regular basis is a highly reasonable goal. In order to be able to do this, I have to learn to be more aggressive and talk to women in public settings. Oftentimes, that means going to the bar, even if I have to go alone.
So, I am going to start with Develop Attraction Skills, renamed from Meet More Women because that isn’t necessarily what I’m trying to do.
1. Deveop Attraction Skills
I had a life first this past weekend.
I hung out with two different girls on consecutive days. One might even go as far as to call them “dates.”
It’s a great feeling, going from so many years of absolutely loneliness to hanging out with two different girls on two different nights.
Still, there is much work to be done.
Now when I was out at the bar, did I make a concerted attempt to meet more women?
No I did not.
My goal, first and foremost, is to get over my approach anxiety, which seems to have taken on a life of its own in my head. In fact, it is a monster that I can picture now, it is purple blob named Bob. I am closing my eyes, and imagining myself pouring cold water over Bob, which makes the blob dissolve and kill Bob.
In my mind, I have conqured approach anxiety. I just need to go out and show the world that I have conquered it.
I am going to go out three times this week. One night will be either tomorrow or Wednesday with Hero. Then probably Thursday and a weekend night. If I don’t open, I DON’T want to kill myself over it. First and foremost, I want to have a GREAT time. It sucks going home depressed as all fuck because I didn’t do what I came out to do in the first place. Hmm… maybe that is why I should open!
2. Learn How to Drive
I have scheduled my drivers test for February 7th, but it will have to be pushed back since Hero will be out of town. I am getting in some practice tomorrow with Hero, and will continue to do so 2-3 times a week until the test. I really already know how to drive, it is just a matter of learning how to parallel, which is kind of hard now since there are all of these snow banks on the road.
3. Look for New Job
A necessity now because I am unemployed. I must say that I am enjoying being unemployed a little more than I’d like to be. Sure it gets boring, . I want to take this time to secure a job in the direction I want to go in-which is library science. However, I am also drawn towards work at home opportunities. This task occupies the waking moments of every weekday now.
4. Better Management of $$$
Budgeting always will be a absolute necessity of mine. I have been budgeting pretty dilligently as of late, especially since I don’t know where my next paycheck will come from.
5. Cut down on watching porn
For years, I thought I was addicted to porn because I spent so much time looking for and watching it- I am talking 3 to 4 hours of my day, easy.
For a long time, I would go through spurts where I would watch a TON of porn, then feel guilty and stop for 2 or 3 days, then go right back into it. This past June, I stopped watching (and masturbating) for over thirty days, before regressing to my old ways.
But now, things are different.
I only allow myself to watch at the end of my day, after everything is done. I have also made watching a ritual. I pick a scene to watch, and I watch the whole scene, usually 30 or 40 minutes. I practice my stalin technique and kegel exercises in the meantime.
Oftentimes, I am too tired to sit down and dedicate 30-40 minutes to porn. Other times, I just don’t have the desire to watch anymore. I think this is due to me having ladies in my life, but also because I would be accountable for it in this blog.
6. Write on this blog everyday
Yeah, I missed a day.
That day was an exception, not the norm, and I have worked hard to keep writing consistently. After missing once, it’s is very easy for me to say to myself, “who cares? I can miss again!”
I believe that posting everyday like this is very beneficial and I will continue to do so throughout the year. Let’s just hope I am not discovered!
A few words about the crossed out tasks.
3. Meditate Everyday
4. Exercise/Eat healthy
5. Graduate School
8. Finish Rap Album
It’d be stupid to say that I have just given up on these goals. I mean, who DOESN’T want to Exercise and Eat Healthy? It’s just that right now, I am focusing on other goals, and when those goals have converted into habits, I will work on these goals.
That’s not to say that if I wake up in the morning, and I feel like I need to meditate, that I won’t do it. What I am saying is that I am going to be the most focused on the six (actually, really four) goals listed above.