“If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence, you have won before you have started.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero
I woke up yesterday and I did not meditate. I always come up with some excuse, usually it’s I need food or the fact that I simply want to surf the internet for awhile first. I’ll make up for it by meditating before I go out for the evening. It’s good to get a half hour of silence before entering the sensation overwhelming atmosphere of a bar.
Yesterday was new years day.
I was pretty tired from the night before, but I had determined to go out early in the day. Around 9 p.m., my friend canceled on me, and my motivation dropped, but I said to myself, “no, you ARE going out.” I get anxious and discouraged at the thought of going out alone, but I generally end up having a great time. Going out alone FORCES me to be more social.
I walk down to the local dive bar where it’s eighties night. Lots of lovely hipsters and gutter punk females fill the place, dancing to a lot of songs I have never heard before. I grab a beer (can’t beat $1 Pabst pounders) and post up.
After a little while, I come to the conclusion that I am too afraid to approach anyone, so I go back to the bar and sit down. A few girls sit beside me while they are getting drinks and I talk to them, but nothing out of consequence comes out of these encounters.
I go back out to the dance floor and start dancing by myself. The DJ starts playing a hip hop set and I start to really get into it. I grab this girl and we start dancing. This girl, let’s call her LeaderGirl, has another friend who is much hotter than her and dressed much nicer. In fact, they both looked out of place at the bar because they were dressed more for the club rather than a hipster night. Not that I am complaining…
The other girl is dancing with this guy she says she doesn’t want to dance with anymore. Still, later on in the night, they disappear to go someplace where presumably they are making out. Leader and I continue to be the only ones grinding (read: simulated sex) on the dance floor. I held back on trying to make out with her, which I should have done, but I didn’t set that sexual tone. Meanwhile, the other guy, who can’t dance and is as plain looking as anything, is making out with the hotter girl. Sigh…
There was another cute girl with a mullet eyeing me up all night. I’m sure I had talked to her before, but I can’t remember where. I was preoccupied with Leader, so I didn’t talk to her… but I should have. Lastly, there was a girl, maybe the hottest girl in the bar that night (long legs and heels, oh my), who came up and touched my hair, I told her that costs “two dollars, please,” but didn’t follow from there. She was with my one friend, so I didn’t pursue, although I can’t say I would have if I did.
Lastly, Leader and I parted ways at the end of the night. She pleaded with me to show up next week, telling me what a good dancer I am (that’s a first). I guess next week is the 80’s night marathon where they’ll be open till like noon. I told her I’d think about going, but I’ll probably show up, sounds like a unique experience.
On my way home, I got the idea that I should start calling myself “He-Man.” He is a muscular guy that gets the princess and wields a big ass sword. I think I can go really overboard with this: I’ll start watching He-Man episodes before I go out and yell “I HAVE THE POWER!” whenever I feel really self-conscious.
I HAVE THE POWER!!!
– Meditate to start the day.
– Make plan for rap album, start writing.
– Step out of comfort zone by…
– Opening once I enter the bar. This will set a social pace for the whole evening.
– Being more aggressive.
– No could have’s or should have’s for tomorrow, only I did’s.
Administrative notes: I am going to add some of my older posts which I deleted awhile ago over the weekend. I’m going to edit the timestamp, so I’m not sure if they’ll show up on your reader or not. I don’t know why I deleted them, I guess I didn’t want to stare my past failures in the face all of the time.