Tag Archives: hero

The Fine Art of Going Out Alone

“Solitude, the feeling and knowledge that one is alone, alienated from the world and oneself-is not an exclusively Mexican characteristic. All men, at some moment in their lives feel themselves to be alone. And they are. To live is to be seperated from what we were in order to approach what we are going to be in the future. Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition.” ~ Octavio Paz

I went out alone tonight.

It was Fat Tuesday and I had committed to going out a long time ago. Even after my first day back at my old job, I was convinced that I was going to go out. I have had this thing lately where I actually keep my commitments rather than being the generally flaky guy I normally am.

Still, it wasn’t easy. It was cold outside, and I missed my original bus which I thought was supposed to come at 10:50. As the clock struck 11:15, I decided to head back inside. It was 20 degrees outside, I would wait until the next one came indoors. The next bus came at 11:47, I hopped on it and took the 20 minute bus ride to the bar.

In the back of my mind on the bus ride was the question, “how am I going to get home?” I’d already answered this question in my head: if BartenderMan or Hero are there, ask them for a ride, if not, leave early and take a taxi.

It was really a simple and pragmatic solution. Sometimes I dwell on stupid shit. I’ve found that consistent daily meditation helps remove a lot of needless thoughts (overthinking).

I hadn’t been to a top 40 bar in awhile. I was calm but uncomfortable, the calmness aided by me taking an adderall. The uncomfortable is how I usually feel when I walk into a bar alone. Having a friend to lean on and talk to can be a real crutch when trying to do this PUA shit.

I mean, it’s a totally different experience because you don’t necessarily have anyone to talk to in the most social setting of them all. Some people who go to the bar alone sit in a stool and stare at a TV for hours on end, I’VE BEEN THERE! Lately however, I have struck up conversation with at least one stranger.

I walked into the bar and immediately got complimented on my hair by some dude, then some girl, totally unrelated. I tried striking up conversation with the girl, but it turned out the dude and the girl went to the same HS. After about five minutes, I was just the guy in the middle being ignored, trying to get a drink. The one dude had the LOUDEST voice, I was envious.

“Speak from your diaphragm!” He said.

I eventually said, fuck this shit and go upstairs. I open this one girl, but she is preoccupied because the guy she is with is talking to another girl. I should have been like, “fuck all that shit, I’m your guy tonight.”

As a side note, this was the wackest party in terms of Mardi Gras. First off, I went to college and went to PLENTY of Mardi Gras parties. In college, there would be PLENTY of indecent exposure at those parties whether you had beads or not, you would at least see a titty or something. Not the case tonight!

That’s not to say that naked women with beads was what I was looking for tonight. I actually think the concept of giving a girl a bead because she has lifted up her t-shirt or because she will make out with you is low grade prostitution, and while I’m not against prostitution by any means, I feel like I could save the $20 I would spend on beads and use it to get head from a street whore 3 blocks from where I live.

Anyways, lots of hot ladies running game on guys getting beads in exchange for good conversation from what I saw. Cool. I was inside my head a lot tonight, but I still managed to talk to a few ladies. Some lady I opened thought it was the green light for her to start talking about my hair like two minutes into the conversation, then her and her friend ran their hair through my shit. “Now where are MY beads?” I thought. Sheit.

The night ended by chatting up the coat check girl who actually works with Hero and Spy on occassion. She called me Kid and Play and I busted on her for it. There was no sexuality at all to the conversation, and she apologized for calling me that-I have an afro, not a high-top!

I left a little after 1:30 to ensure that I could catch a cab home. THREE cab drivers drove past me and opened their doors to people that were further down the street than me. When the fourth pulled up, I told him about this, and I told him I was mad at myself because I am just not aggressive enough while those people were.

“No, it’s because you are Black.” He told me.

He went on a diatribe about how he had been robbed three times, all by Black males. “You have a more educated look to you though, Leigh. But a lot of cab drivers don’t see that.”

That made me kind of sad. I understood where he was coming from, but I was still sad.

*Shrugs*

I can’t change the color of my skin. If a cab driver doesn’t want my money, I’ll find one who will!!!

***

So, what did I learn tonight?

The main lesson is that going out alone isn’t that bad. Ultimately, I am going to have to cut down on going out with King Lear, and venture out on my own. This weekend will likely be the first!

My HERO!

“We can all be heroes in our virtues, in our homes, in our lives.” – James Ellis

So I went back to the bar I was at last Thursday. Why? Because I thought TeacherGirl would be there! I wanted to clear up any shit that might have been caused by King Lear. I also wanted to figure out if I had gotten a wrong number.

Yes, I know this was a stupid stupid idea. If she gave me a bad number, so what? MOVE ON! However, it perplexes me that she would do such a thing, I feel like I hit it off with her pretty well, and maybe she just dialed it wrong.

She wasn’t there tonight.

I’ll see her again, it’s Pittsburgh, but if I don’t, oh well. Next week, I might go back to 80’s night and see LeaderGirl. The only reason I didn’t go to see LeaderGirl tonight was because I had no cash on hand, and I risked overdrafting at the bar I went to tonight.

King Lear decided not to go tonight, which was one of the rare times I’ve been at this bar without him. I was messaging the dude desperately wanting him to come out because I didn’t want to go out alone. In the end, it wasn’t a big deal. There were no real targets at the bar, and really only his ex-girlfriend hit on me pretty aggressively, but I’m not interested in her at all. Not to say that she isn’t attractive because she is, but she went out with my good friend to the point that she LIVED with him, that is NOT a good idea by any definition of the word!

If anything, I should have gotten at Hero, who was undoubtedly out tonight. Shit, he goes out any night he’s not working. He doesn’t drink anything but water, and goes out with the sole purpose of picking up women, he is a TRUE PUA.

The problem with Hero is that I usually feel uncomfortable when I go out with him. If the place is not up to his standards of girls, and 9/10 times it isn’t, then we have to leave. Most times I do agree with him, there are not enough girls to faciliate opening, but there is definitely work to be done, and oftentimes, we still stand there and do nothing.

Still, sometimes I just want to chill, get comfortable, and see what happens. He doesn’t drink so this is not an option for him. He is die hard. I admire him for this, I really do. If PUA was an army, he’d be first infantry, right there out on the front lines blasting at whomever, not giving a fuck if he died.

I realize that sitting and chilling is not conducive to PUA, and I think that in some ways I am not cut out to be one. Ultimately, all I really want to do is to be able to talk to females and elicit attraction more often than not. I want to get in touch with my core masculine identity and have a consistent roster of girls that I can get in touch with. A byproduct of this is that I will be able to talk to males and females that I’m not interested in.

Hero thinks this is stupid, he is not trying to befriend guys or ugly girls, he is just trying to fuck hot chicks. Sometimes I think that goes against him, because I feel like there is this weird aura that goes around him, that says, “fuck you, I only want your hot chicks!” Whereas with me, I say, “hey if you’re a cool and don’t smell, we can chill and talk, no problem. If you have hot girls around you though, I MUST talk to them.” I don’t make PUA the end all be all of a night, I just try to have the most fun I think that I can possibly have, and sometimes that is after only talking to maybe one girl.

By the way, I’m not trying to paint Hero as a villain or anything, I am just trying demonstrate how our minds our different in the way we go about things. We started PUA at the same time, and by far he has had the most succeess, no disputing that. Still, I feel that I have to have my own journey, as he has to have HIS own journey.

Hero is actually planning to move to Vegas, which is an idea I planned two years ago. He wants to go there for strictly PUA. Jeffy from RSD says that there is no better place on Earth to open women. My idea was to go there just because I think it would be a unique experience-I don’t think you could anywhere in the world that would be like Las Vegas. At first, I’ll admit, I was jealous and tried to discourage him from making this decision, but shortly into the conversation, I realized my wrongdoing and began encouraging him to make this move in his life.

Seriously, I wish him the best of luck, but Hero is so smart I’m sure he won’t have much of a problem. In a way, I am sad because if he’s gone, and Roommate and Crafton don’t really go out anymore, and King Lear is out of commission most nights because he has a girlfriend, then that means I will be going out solo a lot this summer.

Maybe this will be the kick in the butt that I need!

All in all, GREAT times ahead, my friends!

Flaking

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” – Woody Allen

Real quick, I am about to pass out here.

I went to see this guy lecture this afternoon, but when I got there, I peeked in, and the room looked full. I quickly walked away and didn’t partake in the lecture. I saw people go in after me, find a seat and sit down.

I felt like a pussy in a lot of ways, I should have just walked in and taken a seat. Instead, I just cowered away like always…

UGH.

I AM GOING TO DO BETTER!

Anyways, I also went out tonight. It was funk and soul night and my man was spinning. This was actually the after party for the guy lecturing. ManOnCouch and I rolled through, the jams were playing, we had a good time. There weren’t many girls there, but the few that were there, approached MOC. Good for him!

I was supposed to meet the Redhead there, but she never showed up. She flaked on me, because she was painting with a friend. I am going to tell her that we are no longer text friends and that she must now call me if she wants to talk to me!

*******

Hero came back from his RSD bootcamp today, he didn’t have as great a time as I hoped. I think, in large part, it’s because his (and my) standards were set to high. He had a bootcamp with Jeffy, and over the couple years I have known him, we have grown to idolize him. Seeing him in person as a human must have stepped him down a notch.

Still, if I had 2,000 to blow, I would take a bootcamp with RSD and no one else. No one else seems even as close to professional!

Inactive for Super Bowl Weekend

“It is better to do the wrong thing than to do nothing.” – Winston Churchill

Whoa.

The Super Bowl was crazy.

EVERYTHING was discombobulated because of Super Bowl weekend, which I shouldn’t have let happen, but it did. Better planning is needed.

Let’s start at Thursday:

I went to 80’s night, which I went to by myself. Hero, Spy, and their friend Voodoo who I hadn’t seen in forever showed up later in the evening.

I spent most of the night talking to LeaderGirl, while Hero hollered at her friend, HippieGirl, which he had much more success with than I did. By much more success, I mea he was making out with her on the bench, even as LeaderGirl was like, “no you guys shouldn’t be making out.”

I eventually decided to stop being a pussy and got Leader’s number, but not before she went off and hollered at the bartender later in the night. I texted her a couple times over the weekend, but got no response. I deleted her number from my phone this morning.

Went to after hours and caught up with the old crew. We were pretty much the only people there.

Friday:

Went to the bar with King Lear, but not until late in the night, around midnight.

Somehow, in those two hours, I got wasted drunk, but still hobbled on over to after hours, with Slim, an old friend who was visiting. He started talking to a friend of mine, and I started talking to her friend. I was pretty wasted drunk, but I was still functioning somehow. At some point I blacked out, I didn’t get the girls number, my friends were gone, and the place was closing.

The next Slim said she was pretty homely looking. I checked her out on Facebook only to concur from her main pic, but she looked alright when done up. I befriended her, but haven’t said anything to her, I am still undecided whether I will pursue or not.

Actually, decision made: I won’t. Well, unless I see her in public again.

Saturday:

I was pretty tired from the previous night, but I still went rollerskating. Well, before that I went out for my friends birthday at some vegetarian restaurant. The food sucked. There were some hot girls there, but I was seated at the table with only my friend and the Puerto Rican girl he is seeing now.

I took the bus home, then headed over to rollerskate. I wasn’t in a great mood, and it took me FOREVER to get my skates on. I was inside my head the whole night and basically just watched Slim get his holler on.

PartyGirl and her friends came through later in the night and we hung out, but for the most part this wasn’t a very notable night. Some girl stole the pick out of my hair, but I didn’t find her very attractive, so I wasn’t very amused.

For the third night in a row, I went to after hours.

Sunday

Slim spent the night and we woke up pretty early because we drank a lot of Sparks and were still really wired once the alcohol wore off. Unable to sleep, we watched about half of Casablanca until we tried to sleep again. Later in the day, we linked up with Roommate and went to the bar to catch the Super Bowl.

Nothing notable happened here. There were some really hot girls, but mostly I just watched Slim do his thing. The game was great, but now that I am sitting here and reflecting on the game, it could have been much better.

I don’t know what happened this weekend. All I have to show for it is a less fat-wallet and a few okay nights to opine about. That it, no more drinking until I open at least one set of girls. I mean seriously, at the end of the day, drinking is a very empty activity. Drinking, by itself, doesn’t necessarily equal happiness or even fun. It can ADD ON to fun in certain situations, but many times it doesn’t or even worse, leads to very negative encounters.

I am really PISSED at myself after writing this. I am going to go HARD this coming week!

The Ultimate Dabbler

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” — Calvin Coolidge

First off, let me say that last night’s premiere of LOST was GREAT! I hope that the rest of this season will keep up the quality of yesterdays episode! If you haven’t checked out that show yet, do yourself a favor and start at the beginning. I can’t say enough about this show, it is my second favorite next to THE WIRE.

Yesterday, I had a driving lesson with Hero.

Hero and I have been friends for over two years now, and I consider him a close friend of mine. We don’t hang out too much depending on what part of the year it is. The reason is that he mainly goes to top 40 clubs, which I like to go to too, except in the winter I decide to go to mainly hipster events. I get bored of too much of any scene after awhile.

Also, when I go out with Hero, it almost always purely to sarge, and in the past  I have NEVER opened, so nights out with Hero have tended to be on the dull or disappointing side. I can count so many nights where I have gone out with Hero, and we have just stared at everyone else having a good time. The time moved sooooooo slowly.

Anyways, I can always count on Hero to give me his unabashed advice on anything. Some of his advice I agree with, some of his advice I don’t agree with, and some of his advice I file away and think about later. Yesterday Hero told me, amongst a lot of other things, that I spread myself too thin.

And he was right.

I engage myself in too many activities and in the process, I do a pretty shitty job at all of them. If I consolidated and concentrated on a few goals, then I would have much better success.

I am what George Leonard calls a Dabbler.

To become a master at a task, I must consistently work at it. I haven’t read the book yet, but Malcolm Gladwell often talks about the 10,000 hour rule. In order to become a master I must work at that task for 10,000 hours.

Here is the progress curve of a person achieving mastery looks something like this:

progress1

Instead of consistent progress, I often do a task for a little while, get bored of it, then move onto something else. In this way, I have become shitty at a myriad of tasks. Here goes a very common progress curve of me:

dabbler

Those squiggly lines are the skills I have built slowly going down.

So what can I do about this? How can I break myself from the rut of being a dabbler?

Well, I think I am making great progress towards that by writing in this blog daily. I have been consistently updating for 22 days now, and tracking my progress twice a week. I can’t remember who, but a recurring theme in self-help says that success in one thing will lead to success in other things. So, by keeping consistent with this blog, I will likely become successful in other goals, as well.

So yes, Hero is right when he  says that I spread myself too thin. It’s true, in addition to my goals listed in the Best Year of My Life, there are a TON of other leisure activities I engage in. Fantasy Basketball, Travian, my incessant addiction to my Google Reader, comic books, wrestling, the list goes on.

What I need to do is prioritize. First and foremost, I think that the goals listed in the Best Year of My Life are highly doable-many of the tasks don’t require daily practice and even those that do can be reduced.

I think it is also important that if I don’t complete a task, I need to stop kicking myself over it. Oftentimes I start calling myself a failure because I haven’t completed x activity. Also, I have this tendency to go out on a whim and sign myself up for stuff I know that I have no time to do. I have gotten better in the past year, but improvement still needs to be made. Instead of adding tasks, I need to start cutting tasks.

I am going out tonight with King Lear. The redhead also told me she will be there, although she did cancel on our date last night. My goal is to first and foremost, have a good time, but also to shut the fuck up, be a man, and talk to some stranger girls.

Good job, Leigh.