Tag Archives: improvement

Out of the Waiting Rooom

In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out. Usually, what you wish for doesn’t fall in your lap; it falls somewhere nearby, and you have to recognize it, stand up, and put in the time and work it takes to get to it. This isn’t because the universe is cruel. It’s because the universe is smart. It has its own cat-string theory and knows we don’t appreciate things that fall into our laps.” – Neil Strauss

Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve written here.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been making progress with my life.

Peep game.

When the summer began, I got a new job at the same company I work for. I got a significant raise and now have benefits because I was previously working as a temp. This job allows me to work 4 10-hour days so now I have Fridays off. I am very happy about this arrangement.

I have recently decided to start going out again seriously. I don’t know if you can call what I did at the beginning of the year serious or not, I don’t remember trying very hard, or necessarily doing the things that I needed to do in those situations. I really need to re-read those posts again. Lately, I have been going out Thursday-Saturday with the sole purpose of talking to women. I go to high quality venues with lots of sets to open. The club. Without my job schedule, Thursday would either not be possible, or would make Fridays 10x worse. There are all kinds of problems that I need to work on when I go out that I will correct in time. In short, I am going out reguarly, I am opening, and I am proud of that.

I am also lifting 3x a week and it feels great. There were all kinds of mental roadblocks that were preventing me before, namely the anxiety of going to a strange gym and being a weakling amongst muscleheads. One day I decided to say “fuck all that shit” and started going and haven’t looked back since. There are times when I have felt like I have could have put a better effort in, but again that will be dealt with in time.

I am also practicing driving lessons once a week with a friend. My test is in one month. My friend thought I could past the test if I were to take it tomorrow. I am also taking swimming lessons once a week.

All in all, I feel like I have been challenging myself on a regular basis. I feel like I am in charge of getting better and taking action to move in that direction, instead of just doing the same ol’ and thinking that things will happen randomly.

Here are two articles that really motivate me.

Tyler from Real Social Dynamics – On Implementing Habits

Ozzie – D.I.W.A. (Do It While Afraid)

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The Fine Art of Going Out Alone

“Solitude, the feeling and knowledge that one is alone, alienated from the world and oneself-is not an exclusively Mexican characteristic. All men, at some moment in their lives feel themselves to be alone. And they are. To live is to be seperated from what we were in order to approach what we are going to be in the future. Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition.” ~ Octavio Paz

I went out alone tonight.

It was Fat Tuesday and I had committed to going out a long time ago. Even after my first day back at my old job, I was convinced that I was going to go out. I have had this thing lately where I actually keep my commitments rather than being the generally flaky guy I normally am.

Still, it wasn’t easy. It was cold outside, and I missed my original bus which I thought was supposed to come at 10:50. As the clock struck 11:15, I decided to head back inside. It was 20 degrees outside, I would wait until the next one came indoors. The next bus came at 11:47, I hopped on it and took the 20 minute bus ride to the bar.

In the back of my mind on the bus ride was the question, “how am I going to get home?” I’d already answered this question in my head: if BartenderMan or Hero are there, ask them for a ride, if not, leave early and take a taxi.

It was really a simple and pragmatic solution. Sometimes I dwell on stupid shit. I’ve found that consistent daily meditation helps remove a lot of needless thoughts (overthinking).

I hadn’t been to a top 40 bar in awhile. I was calm but uncomfortable, the calmness aided by me taking an adderall. The uncomfortable is how I usually feel when I walk into a bar alone. Having a friend to lean on and talk to can be a real crutch when trying to do this PUA shit.

I mean, it’s a totally different experience because you don’t necessarily have anyone to talk to in the most social setting of them all. Some people who go to the bar alone sit in a stool and stare at a TV for hours on end, I’VE BEEN THERE! Lately however, I have struck up conversation with at least one stranger.

I walked into the bar and immediately got complimented on my hair by some dude, then some girl, totally unrelated. I tried striking up conversation with the girl, but it turned out the dude and the girl went to the same HS. After about five minutes, I was just the guy in the middle being ignored, trying to get a drink. The one dude had the LOUDEST voice, I was envious.

“Speak from your diaphragm!” He said.

I eventually said, fuck this shit and go upstairs. I open this one girl, but she is preoccupied because the guy she is with is talking to another girl. I should have been like, “fuck all that shit, I’m your guy tonight.”

As a side note, this was the wackest party in terms of Mardi Gras. First off, I went to college and went to PLENTY of Mardi Gras parties. In college, there would be PLENTY of indecent exposure at those parties whether you had beads or not, you would at least see a titty or something. Not the case tonight!

That’s not to say that naked women with beads was what I was looking for tonight. I actually think the concept of giving a girl a bead because she has lifted up her t-shirt or because she will make out with you is low grade prostitution, and while I’m not against prostitution by any means, I feel like I could save the $20 I would spend on beads and use it to get head from a street whore 3 blocks from where I live.

Anyways, lots of hot ladies running game on guys getting beads in exchange for good conversation from what I saw. Cool. I was inside my head a lot tonight, but I still managed to talk to a few ladies. Some lady I opened thought it was the green light for her to start talking about my hair like two minutes into the conversation, then her and her friend ran their hair through my shit. “Now where are MY beads?” I thought. Sheit.

The night ended by chatting up the coat check girl who actually works with Hero and Spy on occassion. She called me Kid and Play and I busted on her for it. There was no sexuality at all to the conversation, and she apologized for calling me that-I have an afro, not a high-top!

I left a little after 1:30 to ensure that I could catch a cab home. THREE cab drivers drove past me and opened their doors to people that were further down the street than me. When the fourth pulled up, I told him about this, and I told him I was mad at myself because I am just not aggressive enough while those people were.

“No, it’s because you are Black.” He told me.

He went on a diatribe about how he had been robbed three times, all by Black males. “You have a more educated look to you though, Leigh. But a lot of cab drivers don’t see that.”

That made me kind of sad. I understood where he was coming from, but I was still sad.

*Shrugs*

I can’t change the color of my skin. If a cab driver doesn’t want my money, I’ll find one who will!!!

***

So, what did I learn tonight?

The main lesson is that going out alone isn’t that bad. Ultimately, I am going to have to cut down on going out with King Lear, and venture out on my own. This weekend will likely be the first!

A Weekend, It Was.

“Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth.” – Mark Twain

I am employed again.

I got my old job back. I am talking the one I had BEFORE I worked at a bank. This is a job that I actually liked, but it was only ever temporary, and they made it pretty apparent that I would never be hired permanently. Still, it’ll be cool to have (relatively) steady income again.

This weekend, oh this weekend.

Friday:

King Lear and I returned to where we were the night before. We had a good time, I talked to some girls, I didn’t get PISS drunk, but nothing too eventful. I don’t remember any meaningful interactions. Later on, we went to afterhours, then went home. I saw HipsterGirl there, but she was with another guy, I did a half assed attempt at hollering, but in my drunkeness I realized that I am not interested.

Saturday

King Lear woke me up at 10AM to go to a snowboarding party they had down the street from where we live. We misread the flyer for this party because it didn’t start until two. We grabbed some breakfast, drank at a nearby bar, then headed over.

All in all, it was a good time, I met a few girls that I’d never met before, but in the back of my head I found myself worried about getting TOO drunk because I was literally going to be drinking for like 16 hours.

Life is always better without worrying.

We left the snowboarding jam at 7PM, took an hour break at our respective apartments, then headed out to the place I’d now been going to for three nights in a row. It was a small jaunt tonight, I tried to get on a girl I’d been talking to the other night to come with us to the NEXT place we were going, but she wasn’t having it. Oh well.

The next place we went to had a DJ from out of town and was a GREAT time. I spent a good amount of time talking to this girl who had a boyfriend. This normally doesn’t stop me, but then the guy showed up and I moved on. PUA aside, I saw a TON of people I hadn’t seen in awhile at this bar, and I remember the feeling of utter elation at certain points-just really vibing with the music and being around good friends. Sometimes it’s good to have those moments.

After that, we went to afterhours. It had been 15 hours of almost continuous drinking at this point. I was EXHAUSTED. Still, I met a cute girl with FUNNY glasses. I was pretty sure I managed to get a number, but when I got home I could not remember her name and nothing in my phone looked out of place.

It’s funny how I function like that sometimes, like my brain is on autopilot. I also remember talking to a woman who was ugly and had a kid who was my age. She was cool… but yuck.

The next morning I check my facebook only to realize that FunnyG had befriended me on Facebook. Oh, that’s what your name was!

No real exposition on the weekend, because outside of getting fucked up, nothing too crazy happened. I do want to calm down on the red bull flavored shots, those shits make my heart race like a cheetah!

Tomorrow is Mardi Gras, so I’m thinking I’m going to go out. We’ll see…

The Lights Go Out and the Ball Gets Dropped

“I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe

Last Wednesday night, the electricity here went out for a good 18 hours. There were hurricane like winds and I guess shit got blown out.

Obviously, I wasn’t able to post for a day or two. However, even afterward, I was out of the habit, and it’s taken me this long to get back on the horse.

Since we’re looking at the past, let’s look at how the past weekend went:

Thursday

I got bored sitting at home with no electricty, so I went over to King Lear’s. Toegether, we were bored out of our minds and decided that we should take advantage of the relatively good weather and take a stroll across town. He brought his camera and we had an adventure. We saw some people we knew, met some new people, checked out a few lesser known sites of the city, it was all around a good time.

Around 8:45 we headed to the bar.

Nothing of note really happened, outside of TeacherGirl making an appearance. I had met TeacherGirl last week and thought I really hit it off with her, but when I called texted her at the number she gave me later that night,  it was the wrong digits.

When she said hello, I didn’t mention the wrong number because maybe I’ve read too many PUA texts and generally they said that would be a bad idea. Still, I had a hard time masking that I was angry at her, so much so that she came back later and said that I seemed angry at her. I told her, “no, not at all.” This was a complete lie, because of course my feelings were hurt. But that was how I WANTED To feel.

It’s hard to put the ego down sometimes. It feels like, no matter how hard I try, I am still very much attached to this world. The point is to stop trying, the enlightened buddhist might say. I am thinking too much.

Anyways, I tried to chat her up, but after like a minute she interrupted and told me she had to go. Very awkward exchange. Part of it is because King Lear was rude to her. The next day I pondered whether she had just been in error in giving me the number or whether she had intentionally given me the wrong number. If the number she typed in was error, then she was probably pissed that I never called.

I guess I’ll never know. If I see her again, I COULD confront her about it, but even if she did, she’d probably deny it, and I’d get the number out of pity.

I am THINKING too much. Fuck, I am a chode. I am going to assume good faith, and if I ever do see her again, tell her that I think she mistyped her number into my phone and that’s why I never called. It’s honest and non-accusatory, I like it.

We went to after hours later and somehow made it like 14 hours of drinking constantly. I had a nice buzz going, but I wasn’t drunk because I didn’t want to repeat last week.

****

Friday:

I didn’t go out on Friday for the second week in a row. It’s hard when you put in Thursdays like that. Not this week though, I am going to do all three days this weekend.

****

Saturday:

I went out by myself.

No one I roll with wanted to go out, and I had stuff to do until around 11-11:30, so I went to a nearby bar where my friends were spinning and they had *gasp* a pudding wrestling competition.

Now, there are a number of a reasons a pudding wrestling competition doesn’t appeal to me. Firstly, I went to college and I was in a frat, so I’ve seen many pudding/jello/plain wrestling competitions in my day. Secondly, in an over-sexualized society where I can see Ava Devine get blasted in her vagina and her asshole at the same time with a few clicks of the mouse, something as tame as a pudding wrestling competition isn’t going to do anything for me. Lastly, I go out to talk to girls, and pudding wrestling didn’t strike me as a place to talk to women.

I stayed until the first round was over then I headed to another bar.

I ran into HipsterGirl at the next bar. HipsterGirl is the one I ate mushrooms with not too long ago. I come in just as her friends are leaving. We talk for awhile about whatever.

She tells me at one point, “I really like hanging out with you…” while staring into my eyes, which would have been any self-respecting man’s invitation for a full makeout session, but nope. I dropped the ball.

We head back to the pudding wrestling because she wants to, but the nights over. I don’t know why I wasted our time. After that, we went to a random house party where she kinda knew the people living there. She started talking to this dude she knew and I felt out of place so I left.

She asked me at one point, “Should I be leaving with you…?”” And I simply said, “No, stay.” I think my ego was bruised at this point because she was paying more attention to this guy than me, but there is this feeling inside me that I just didn’t care if she came back to my place or not. Maybe I am just not attracted to her like that.

Maybe it’s, like I said before, that I was looking more forward to seeing Ava Devine get blasted with two dicks than actually bringing a girl home myself.

Sad.

*****

SO HERE WE ARE AT A NEW WEEK!

Routine-wise, I hope to pick up where last week left off. I have been exercising, meditating, and writing rhymes every morning/afternoon, depdending on when I wake up. I want to add a little running at some point – that’ll happen this weekend and eventually, move my meditation up to 30 minutes. Twenty minutes feels so short!

Most importantly though, I want to put down the porn for a little while. I don’t watch it nearly as much as I used to, but I still feel like it ruins my experiences when I go out. A once a week binge would be good.

The problem is, that I don’t get excited about sex. I get nervous about it, because I am not sure if I’ll be good in bed or not. For porn however, since I am not dependent on anyone, I am totally in control.

Ah, I’m thinking too much again. I need to assume that I’ll always perform well, and enjoy sex as sex. Live in the present moment, motherfucker.

One day it’ll click for me, you’ll see!

Success is a journey, not a destination

*”Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” – Arthur Ashe

I was reading through the RSD forum today and came across this very inspiring post. It is about trusting myself to do the things that I want to do. Too often I find myself caught in my head and start thinking negatively in the direction of doubt. Meditation does wonders for eliminating these thoughts.

Sealdan’s post also got me thinking about what I want out of being a PUA:

Some people want the rock-star lifestyle of banging a new hot chick every night. Some people want the ability to get any girl they want… anytime, anywhere, anyplace. Some people just want that one special girl without the feeling of scarcity. Some people want something in between all of this. Some people just want to live a better life overall. Anything is totally fine. No one’s forcing you to live a certain way.

If you don’t know what you want out of life yet, that’s okay. You’ll find it as long as you keep working to do so.

I am not sure about what I particularly want out of being a PUA yet. Aw, who am I kidding, I would LOVE to live a rockstar kind of lifestyle. I imagine it would get old pretty quickly like most things I have aspired to do and done in life, but I would like to have the experience.

I do know that, for as long as I can remember, I have spent a lot of my time daydreaming about myself being perceived as having higher value in social situations. I often come up with some very creative ploy that makes me famous and therefore the talk of the town. When I was in junior high and high school, I did a few outrageous things just to get attention that I am not proud of. These acts often included lies and deceit.

The trick is to be content. That’s not to say that I shouldn’t work towards something better, but to be content with where I am now, and now that I am moving in a positive direction. I have to enjoy the journey, as they say.

*****

I skipped the zendo weekly meditation today, although I meditated in the morning. In fact, I have created a nice little morning routine consisting of: meditation, light exercise (pushups, hip raises, sit ups, and squats), and cooking breakfast. After that, I write down everything I need to accomplish throughout my day and get to it. Usually, I put in work straight through from 12pm-7pm, with minor breaks to check blogs and such. I actually slept through the evening group meditation session. Oh well, there is always next week.

The Best Year of My Life (part 7)

“Goals are not only absolutely necessary to motivate us. They are essential to really keep us alive.” – Robert Schuller

What a difference a title makes.

These are actually my most popular posts. I’m pretty sure it’s just because of the title, but in reality these posts are just simple goal reviews that I do once or twice a week.

I’d say that the past couple of days have been great for me in terms of productivity. The key to my success is in implementing a morning routine. Every morning for the past week, I have woke up meditated, then eaten breakfast. Three days ago, I added simple exercises to the routine. Two days ago, I decided to try to try and write rhymes for at least an hour everyday.

This was all inspired by Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art.

I use JoesGoals and tick off every little task that I do. It’s great to see nothing but green marks on the screen everyday.

I started using RescueTime to track just where all of my time is going when I’m online. Not surprisingly, most of my time is actually spent reading blogs. However, I find that if I take care of everything I need to BEFORE I check the blogs, then the amount of time is drastically reduced.

It’s these minor tweaks that really help a lot.

Without further ado:

1. Develop Attraction Skills

I got a number this weekend, which brings me up to 4 this year out of 6 weeks overall. Which is good for me since I am pretty sure that I’ve equaled my output for all of last year. The number was a wrong one, so I really shouldn’t count it.

This past Saturday sucked balls in terms of doing what I need to do when I go out. I am no longer going to get a beer until I’ve at least said a sentence to a girl I don’t know. Yeah, let’s apply the success I’ve had getting stuff done at the beginning of the day to PUA.

2. Look for New Job

The truth here is that I am really enjoying not working. Not in the lazy sense, because I keep myself active pretty much all day. I woke up at 10AM today, and worked straight through until about 5PM. Took a nap and took care of some more business. I believe that I should be able to last another month or so living comfortably, so I will probably just do that.

I do not want to go back working for the man. I am going to have to formulate a plan that prevents me from doing that.

3. Better Management of $$$

I was good at saving my money all week, then I went to this Brazillian restaurant on Saturday. This was a once in a lifetime experience, and I figured I should splurge on myself every so often.

Notice that I have whittled down my goals to 3, but have actually added other ones that I previously crossed out? Meditation, write rhymes, and exercise used to all be on my list, and I now do them all daily. It seems that once I let go of some goals that they become something that comes naturally into my life.

Until next week.

Night of the Wallflowers

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

I got a lot done today.

It was mainly because I was so disgusted at myself yesterday. That is usually a prime motivating factor for me. Sometimes, it’ll go the other way, and I’ll get really depressed and sulk around my house all day.

Hmm… I wonder if I am onto something here.

Let’s take a look at my prime motivating factors:

I find that I’m motivated if I feel that I HAVE to do something, like there is no other alternative. Either I do it or I do it. In these cases, I will constantly try to test the bar as to which I HAVE to do something.

For example, over the years in school, I have constantly tested the bar for how much I had to do just to get by. I was always in gifted classes because my mother insisted that I enroll in them. The classes were never that difficult, they just required extra work. I wouldn’t say that the people I was in the class with were the smartest people per se, but definitely the most motivated. In those classes, I did just enough to get by, if I had to hold a B- just to stay in the class I would.

Or in college, I remember having teachers that said that they would mark off big time if I didn’t hand in a paper, but I would often call their bluff. I would hand in papers sometimes months late. I remember, for my REQUIRED history seminar, handing a paper TWO YEARS late, and getting a B on it, I might add. The only reason the paper got done is because it was a requirement to graduate.

Oftentimes, it is the approval of others that keeps me motivated. I remember, the most I EVER opened PUA-wise was the first weekend I ever went out. I went out with guys from my local lair, and I wanted to impress them SO MUCH. This guy Maverick would point to girls and I would just walk over, embarassing the fuck out of myself, against my better judgement, but because he said to do it, I did it. Later on, when some of the mystique of Maverick was lost, I never opened again.

Depending on other people to motivate me is unhealthy.

Sometimes I sit around and think about how little I am motivated and wonder how I could not be disgusted at myself. I have consistently worked towards a life of non-stress and little responsiblity. I am not even capable of paying my own bills right now.

I will say that my overall organization and motivation has improved over the past two months or so. I can actually look around my room right now and see that it is clean-which, if you were to rewind to a year ago in my life, my whole apartment would be filthy right now. I even just got done washing the dishes!

So there are improvements being made, and often I am quick to brush them aside, but I am hoping that I am slowly, moving in the right direction.

********

Okay, so last night.

There was this new house monthly dance night at a bar near my house, so I rolled with ManOnCouch around 11pm. ManOnCouch has been doing just that, staying at our place, chillin’ on the couch for the past couple of weeks.

MOC is a really great guy and I like chillin’ with dude. MOC is that he’s a bit older (30), doesn’t drink, and generally doesn’t like to go out. Still, he sits at home and is like, “man, I need to be like you Leigh, always hollering at girls!” The dude is pretty charasmatic, and when I ask him why he doesn’t talk to more girls, he always comes up with some excuse that doesn’t matter.

“You think too much!” I always tell him. “You right, you right, Leigh,” he responds.

Excuse wise, he is where I was at two years ago. I would come up with all of these superfluous excuses before finally realizing that it really all comes down to fear. Fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of leaving that nice little comfort zone you have created for yourself.

Now, you see how skewed another persons perception can be of another? Here is a guy that has basically LIVED with me for the past month and thinks that about me. Either he is delusional, or people just assume that the next man is doing better than him.

MOC and I go there, and don’t do SHIT. I mean, we just stand in the corner, and yeah we dance a little, but nothing of consequence. I tried to talk to this 28 year old girl who is married. A few attractive women tried to touch my hair, but I was like, “$2 dollars.” I’m not going to say that anymore because it doesn’t keep the conversation going, just gets weird reactions from females. Instead, I’m going to be like, “only if I can touch your hair first.”

This HOT asian girl wanted to touch my hair, I ran my spiel, then she walked away. I was thinking that if I had approached the situation differently, then something might have happened, but I just can’t rely upon that.

Maybe I should be like… “but for you, one touch is FREE!” Eh, I am thinking too much!

After spending about three hours not talking to girls, we went to after hours, where we continued to strike out and be wallflowers.

There is always a next time. But fuck that shit. Carpe diem!