Tag Archives: job

The Best Year of My Life (part 5)

I just had a goals update two days ago, but in an effort to get back on track, I am going to have another one today.

Remember, I re-did a lot of my goals after reading Leo Babauta’s The Power of Less, and coupled with the short time between the last update, this should be a shorter post.

Without further ado:

1. Develop Attraction Skills

Even though I am unemployed, I haven’t increased my social life because I do not want to spend money. Sure, I can go out and simply not drink which I’ve done in the past, but it will still involve money. This is going to be a longer weekend so I will have ample opportunity to go out.

When I do go out, I will remember to be present, confident, and just an overall fun guy. After all, it’s just talking to girls!

2. Learn How to Drive

We had a snow storm here, so my driving practice was canceled yesterday.  I re-scheduled my test for later next month, since the dudes car I’m using will be out of town on the originally scheduled weekend.

3. Look for New Job

Interview on Monday. I’m not too excited about my options right now, though. I’ve been thinking really hard about ways to get myself out of the “entry-level hole.”

4. Better Management of $$$

Being unemployed has me obsessive about being responsible with my money. Any penny that I spend I know stress over. This weekend will be a real test because it’s Super Bowl weekend and I live in Pittsburgh. The *real* test however, will be when I get a steady flow of cash in and stop throwing the money away. I have actually spent exactly less than 30 bucks since Sunday, and half of that went towards paying small bills!

Okay, so I am now going to add one goal and drop two goals:

Add: 5. Take the GRE

Wow, if I ever want to get out of the entry-level hole, this is an absolute necessity. I have full afternoons open to do whatever I want, so being unemployed is a prime time to do this.

Drop: Cut Down on Watching Porn

I changed the way I watch porn and have made it more of a ritual. Now, whenever I think of watching porn I think that it is too much trouble. If I feel I have started watching too much again, I will re-add this goal.

Drop: Write on this blog everyday

I am doing this everyday. Yeah, I missed a day, but that was more because I mis-planned my day. 28 out of 29 days is really really good. Like the porn goal, if I stop posting consistently, I will re-add this goal.

In the end, it feels good to have reduced my goals down to a parse five out of what used to be nine. Hopefully in a months time, I will be able to eliminate two (driving and a new job).

I am working towards accomplishing these goals, I am sure that I will have the best year of my life!

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Smile, Breathe, and Go Slowly

“Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”—Thich Nhat Hanh,

Lots to say here, my head is swimming!

I just got done searching for a new job, and while seraching through Monster, what did I find? The job that I applied for a month ago, and had been told by my little birdie inside that I was going to get.

I was sad, but only for a little while.

This could all really be a blessing. I have enough money to survive for a month, maybe even longer. I might even be able to survive on a part-time job if I am smart with my money. In the meantime, I want to start looking for a job that I want to do.

Originally, I quit my job because I HATED the management, but the truth is that I had become bored with my job. Ever since I graduated college I have worked at these meaningless data-entry jobs that have gotten me nowhere. Sure, they paid the bills and allowed me to live comfortably, but they weren’t very fulfilling at the end of the day and oftentimes I’d become depressed.

I have put some thought into the kind of word that I want to do.

First and foremost, I want to go to graduate school to get my masters in Library Science, so that is something I am going to work on in the coming weeks. In the meantime however, I want to work in a library. Libraries don’t pay too much money, and the competition is pretty scarce here, but I think I’m going to volunteer just to fill up my time.

I also have been thinking about working from home.

I have no idea how to go about this, though. I see spam mail all of the time, “EARN $50 dollars a day doing NEXT TO NOTHING!” But I know that is too good to be true. I know that earning money online is going to be hard work and will likely take training of some sort. It’s something I am going to research in my free time during the next couple of days.

I read a good bit of Leo Babauta’s Power of Less today.

He talks about putting the Power of Less into practice through having One Goal. I wrote down a list of goals I would like to accomplish, and picked out the one that was the most important to me.

I want to develop skills that will allow me to become better with women.

He says to pick a goal that will take six months to a year to complete. On average, this goal could take as many as three years to complete. However, I think after a year, I will have had remarkable success if I keep on task.

Now I need to break that one goal into a subgoal. A subgoal is one that I can accomplish in the next month or two.

Conquer Approach Anxiety (for the most part).

Fuck getting laid, fuck getting makeouts, fuck getting numbers even, I am going to just try to not become a nervous wreck whenever I step into a social setting. I will never become successful if I don’t at least do that.

Now I need to break this down into a weekly goal.

Go out three nights per week, and open three different groups of women per night.

It doesn’t matter if I get blown out, or don’t know what to say, or even if they don’t talk to me, I am going to do this until I no longer feel uncomfortable opening women. That is the first step.

Tomorrow, I will write about my three projects.

I know I say a lot of things on this blog and go in a lot of different directions, sometimes unexpectedly, that’s because I am often fickle and confused. I feel myself being pulled in many different directions. Sometimes I feel swamped from it all.

I need to remember to keep things as simple as possible and live in the present moment.

Best Year of My Life (part 2)

“Mission is at the heart of what you do as a team. Goals are merely steps to its achievement. Mission has an eternal quality. Goals are time bound and once achieved, are replaced by others.– Patrick Dixon

It’s Friday. I had the day off because I was fired yesterday. It hasn’t been the most productive day, although I did get some things done. A lot of it was spent texting Red from Wednesday.

Without further ado:

1. Write on this blog everyday

Haven’t missed a day yet, sixteen and counting. There have been a few that I have technically finished the next day, like after midnight, but I am going to count it as the same day as long as it’s finished before I go to sleep.

It takes me a lot less time to write these posts now, and I think that I am improving grammar-wise. Hopefully, there aren’t any tense shifts in my posts anymore.

Good job!

2. Stop Watching Porn Cut down on watching porn

I amended this goal a little bit- I have simply cut down on my watching, only at the end of the day after I have accomplished all of my tasks. Doing this has actually made me lose the zest I once had to watch porn. There were two days this week where I didn’t watch any porn at all. Even last night, I put some on, and just wasn’t feeling it, so I turned it off.

I think that the reason I watch porn is because I have self-esteem issues. The times when I go off on some crazy binge and download and watch nothing but porn all day are when I feel the worst about myself. Conversely, when I have women in my life, and I feel that I am accomplishing things, it is the first thing that goes out the door. I know that it’s bad to use women as validation, but that isn’t necessarily the case with me. I find that I stop watching as much porn if I simply OPEN and talk to women, no matter if I get played or not.

3. Meditate Everyday

I meditated once this week, and it was a bad experience.

I was very anxious throughout the whole sitting, wondering when it was going to end. I didn’t even last the full 30 minutes. Instead of going to zazen at the zendo this week, I went on the date with the redhead.

It’s not that I don’t want to meditate, but when I get home I think about all of the things I have to do and meditation is always the first thing cut out. Meditation has a TON of benefits for me, I am going to make it more of a priority.

When I get home from work, I am going to meditate, even if I am hungry.

4. Exercise/Eat healthy

I have the $$$ for the membership to the gym, but since I got fired prematurely, I am going to have to save that money.

I ate the last of the hamburger helper this week, too. I told myself, when the last box is done, no more of that for you. I made some pasta tuna salad which has lasted me a couple of days!

5. Apply for new job/Graduate School

It looks like that new job is falling through, so I am going to get on the ball with this very soon. I will call the temp. agency on Monday and start applying for permanent jobs  next week.

As far as graduate school, no movement on that front. I need to make a plan of recommendations and get ready to write the best acceptance letter ever. I am afraid of failing, that’s why I haven’t done this yet.

6. Meet More Women

Met the redhead last Saturday, and talked to a few more girls that night, but I did nothing last night. I need to write down my goals for each specific night in my notepad before I go out, just like PUA Sinn says.

Honestly, I really like the redhead. There aren’t too many girls that I can get along with on an intellectual level. It might be cool to get serious with this girl. I don’t know, I’ll have to see how it goes. Part of me thinks that this is a cop out to stop sarging. I am conflicted.

7. Learn How to Drive

No progress here this week, although if I’m not working next week, getting some practice in during the day could certainly be helpful. I’ll have to schedule a test in the very near future.

8. Finish Rap Album

I wrote a little today, but not enough to finish a song. I hope to complete a song either tomorrow or Sunday. I want to complete one song per week.

9. Better Management of $$$

Much better on this front this week, I stuck to my budget and didn’t spend too much eating out. Getting fired changes things though, I am going to have to conserve and cut things out until I get something steady.

I am sure that this will be the best year of my life.

Before I Let Go

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not a single act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

So, I got fired today.

When I got to work, my boss had given everyone else work to do except for me. I knew something was up. I confronted my boss about it, he said “yeah, you’re probably going to get fired today.”

Cool.

I was down about it during the afternoon, but by the end of the day, I was okay with it. After all, I had put in my two weeks just a few days ago. Granted, the people I was dealing with were very unprofessional, but it’s all water under the bridge at this point. I would soon be done with them forever.

But being fired leaves me in a place of uncertainty.

I haven’t gotten that job, and am not sure if I am going to get it now. My little birdy that works there says it is a paperwork issue. If that job doesn’t work out, I can go work temporary jobs,  I’ll wait a few more days before I try that out.

Shit, I might even go to Obama’s inauguration in the meantime!

Now that I have written about it, the situation doesn’t seem that bad.

Moving on…

I am a huge fan of Google Apps. One app that I have used in the past and am going to implement a lot more is Google Notebook. Anytime there is a blog post that I feel could be of some use to me later, I copy and paste the information into Google Notebook. I have TONS of PUA and self-improvement articles pasted there for later viewing. Lately, I have been posting recipes to make in the future.

I actually went through my Google Notebook tonight and cleaned out a lot of garbage. It’s amazing to see the kind of blogs that I thought would be important to me a year ago as opposed to right now. I am now able to sift through the bullshit a lot easier.

Tonight I went to a quasi-rave.

I know that I should save my Thursday night post for Friday, but this night was pretty uneventful-I will post my goals update tomorrow, instead.

I went to the quasi-rave because it was my friend, Youngun’s, birthday.

Youngun is a girl that hollered at ME two years ago, and although things didn’t work out, we have remained friends ever since. She was my first girl after The One, and was very helpful in helping me get over her.

Initially, I didn’t want to go, it was COLD outside 9 degrees to be exact, right now it’s -1 degrees. WOW! Instead, I trekked down the street in this cold weather, I thought I was going to be frozen alive!

When I got there, I was  surprised, it was pretty crowded there! Lot of hot hipster girls to talk to.

I didn’t talk to any.

I did talk to Laura for a good bit, who was PLASTERED off of her ass, and another Asian girl that I remembered from another bar, but that’s about it. Most of the girls had left within 30 minutes of me getting there, but that is still no excuse.

I did have a good time, I can’t complain, but I am disappointed in myself. I should have opened some girls. I am going to have to dedicate some time on my off-day to my approach anxiety. I need to get rid of this the best that I can!

A note on the blog title. I was listening to the Frankie Beverly and Maze song as I edited the  post this morning and felt that it’d be very fitting.

Relax, it’s cool.

“When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change.” – Wayne Dyer

Today, David Wygant posted a blog about thanking the universe.  He asks:

“For what are all of you thankful every day? Do you wake up feeling positive? Do you wake up really embracing life? Do you wake up thanking the universe? If you do, amazing things will happen to you every single day.”

This morning, the answer to all of these questions was “no.” In fact, I loathed getting out my bed only to walk around my cold apartment and get ready for a job that I did not want to go to.

I went to work and found myself in a negative mood, staring at the computer screen, my depression killing my motivation. The work was too monotonous, the pay was way too low, and my boss was a snake. I sulked for a good hour.

After awhile, I remembered that I have two options to get out of a negative situation. I can…

Accept the situation fully.

or

Get out of the situation completely.

So, I quit my job.

Well, I gave my two weeks notice.

Do I have another job lined up? I think I do, but it’s not for sure. I’ve talked about the job a couple of times on this blog. If I don’t, I’ll just go back to the temp. agency and get another job. Life is too short to be dealing with bullshit like the Bank.

Once I sent out my letter of resignation, it was like a load had been lifted off of my shoulders. All of the sudden I was smiling and jovial. I had solved a major source of strife in my life!

But there was still a question that Mr. Wygant asked that I haven’t answered.

For what are all of you thankful every day?

I am thankful that I am able to make decisions like the one I made today. I am not in the best financial situation, but I am able to live on very little money. Also, I can find temporary jobs pretty quickly with my computer skills.

However, I don’t expect the situation to come to that. I am going to get the job I interviewed for.

At one point during the morning, when I was really sulking-I mean really on the brink of having a breakdown, I had this daydream. I was standing on sidewalk, looking across a two way street to the opposite sidewalk, and beyond that on a building wall was a sign that read:

Relax, it’s cool.

I smiled and calmed down a bit. When put into perspective, my job wasn’t that bad, and even still, I always had the option of quitting, which is exactly what I did. Oftentimes, I find myself freaking out about shit that really DOES NOT MATTER. Take the past two years of approach anxiety, for instance.

Tomorrow I have a date.

It’s with the redhead I met on Saturday. I hadn’t texted her since Sunday but she seemed receptive when I messaged her tonight. It went something like this:

Me: What are we doing tomorrow?

Her: We have plans for tomorrow?

Me: Of course we do. We’re going to wine night.

Her: Yeah? That sounds like fun what time…

It went on from there…

I am pretty proud of the interaction, I portrayed myself as confident and to the point. I stated my intent, “I want to go out with you,” right from the beginning. I didn’t beat around the bush, I didn’t ask her any questions, I basically held her hand.

My goal with the date tomorrow is to have as much fun as possible. The redhead, she seems pretty laid back and cool, so. Plus, there will be wine involved, so any nervousness that she or I might have will be eliminated soon enough through drunkeness.

I’ll let you guys know how it goes in one or two posts from now.

In the meantime, be sure to check out David Wygant’s blog. The guy, according to PUA Thundercat, is as close to Hitch as it gets in the community. He targets the older crowd of gentlemen and up until recently, he has eschewed bootcamps for more personal one on one help. He also helps women find men.  His blog is filled with not just PUA tips, but also philosophical insights, which are very much in alignment with my own views. He updates his blog daily, so be sure to check him out.

A Sucker in the Workplace

“If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” – Albert Einstein

Angry.

That is the emotion that best describes me right now.

I am angry because I have just come to the realization that I have been shitted on.

My current job is a bad work environment. The team I am on is under constant pressure to meet goals that are unattainable and as a result we CONSTANTLY have our jobs threatened. We live in fear that any one of us can get axed at any time.

I work as a contractor in the IT department of a bank.

The whole team I am on is contracted outside of the head manager. My boss, a lower level manager, is also a contractor. My boss told us two or three weeks ago that we should begin looking for positions elsewhere.

So what did I do? I looked for positions elsewhere.

Last week, I had a job interview, it went well. I was basically told that if my references checked out, the job was mine. This week, I pull my boss aside, and I talk to him. My boss tells me that he has been applying for other positions. I figure that’s the green light to tell him-I had an interview last week, and there’s a good chance I might get hired, the new place might be calling you. He says, “cool, congratulations.”

The next day, I get a call from my contractor: “I hear you’re leaving. We’re really surprised, why would you want to do us like that?”

This motherfucker told my contractor.

I tell my contractor that while it’s true I don’t like my job, I am a man of integrity and if I were to get another position, I would give two weeks notice. I am not here to shit on anyone!

The next day, my boss talks to a co-worker and says, “oh, we don’t know about him, he’s thinking about leaving, we’re going to have to go in a different direction.”

What?

I thought we were ALL going in different directions?

But wait, there is more!

I happen to talk to other members of my team about their salary. It turns out that EVERYONE makes significantly more $$$ than me, TO DO THE SAME JOB!

It isn’t about age (there is someone younger), it isn’t about experience (I am pretty experienced), it’s not even about skills (we all do the same job, and I am actually more technically inclined than anyone), it’s about me being a damned sucker and not standing up for myself.

I want to scream at my boss for not having the common courtesy to keep shit to himself. I want to scream at my contractor rep. for treating me like a sucker. I left a decent job to come to the shithole I work at now, and this is how I get treated?

But I can’t be too angry, do you know why?

Because all of this is my fault.

It’s my fault for leaving my last job to go to the new one. It’s my fault for not asking for more money and sticking firm to an amount that I would be comfortable with. It’s my fault for trusting my boss who I thought was a friend, but in all reality, I don’t know him well at all.

Sometimes, things don’t work out the way I planned and there’s nothing I can do about it. I have to take my lumps as they come and move on. I have to let the anger I feel inside pass, writing about it makes me feel a lot better.

I will enjoy my remaining days at this job the best I can, and then move onto the next job (*knocks on wood*). I will learn from my mistakes: I won’t be so trusting, and I will be more aggressive when it comes to salary matters.

On a more positive note, I am about to head to the bar.

It is 80’s night, but this one is a little special because it’s their 2-year anniversary. It’s supposed to go ALL NIGHT! I can just imagine myself now, stumbling out of there at 6AM, only to shower, eat some breakfast and be at work at 9pm.

Hurts me just thinking about it!

My goal when I go out tonight is to have fun. I want to talk to girls, I want to dance with girls, but overall I want to fun while like listening to dope music.I am a hip hop guy and I like to get some variety in my life whenever I can.

I need to do a goals review soon on this blog. I actually should get on a regular schedule to review them. The Thursday and Monday posts sound like good days, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will be dominated by field reports, so bookending my weekends with goals reviews sounds good to me.

Rescue Me

Yesterday I had a job interview.

It’s with a company I worked at before my current job, but it’s permanent as opposed to temporary, which were the kinds of jobs I held there before. It pays a lot more money, $10,000/year more, to be exact.

I am actually overqualified for the position, so I think getting hired is just a formality. It all depends on my references from my previous bosses, which I’m sure will be fine.

This will be a HUGE step in the right direction for me, not only financially, but ambition-wise.

A year and a half ago, I got a very prestigious position at a non-profit company, but my boss was this homophobe/racist/misogynist guy that was too hard to deal with, and considering him and I were the only employees of the company, my only option was to quit.

Ever since then, I have not been aggressive in pursuing jobs. I have taken whatever is available and I have suffered not only financially but emotionally as well.

Yesterday was also New Years eve.

We started at around 8pm pregaming at my place. I had on a spiffy new shirt made by Donald Trump. I also got a haircut during the day. I looked good. Still, I was hampered by the Philly Cheesteak sub I ate earlier in the day. I passed a lot of gas when we made it to the bar later. It was embarassing.

Still, I did not let it stop me.

We pregamed pretty hard at my crib. I was pretty drunk by the time I got there. I drank some water to sober myself up.

I met a girl there, “Ginger,” who actually approached me by saying, “I like your hair.” I told her I liked her hair and we started dancing. Nothing of note really happened, just a lot of dancing, with her glancing around the dance floor for more intriguing prospects. Finally, her friends pulled her away and she left, I got her phone number, but I know that I did not build enough attraction. I should have pulled her aside after a song or two, and talked to her at the bar.

Later on, “New York” came up and said I’ll dance with you. New York is a girl that I had a fling with starting a year ago to this date, but I quickly became disinterested and moved on. Later in the year, she moved to New York and I hadn’t seen her since.

I have this thing where I just dance by myself at the bar. It is because I am too scared to approach women, I’ll have to work on this. She approached me and we started dancing. She is way drunk and trying to make out with me. Meanwhile, there are two hotties on both sides of me dancing by themselves. I should pushed her away and danced with them.

As the night comes to a close, New York is making it plainfully obvious that she wants to go home with me. Meanwhile, I am texting Ginger and asking her if she wants to go to afterhours. She says, “no I’m in PJ’s.” I call up my one friend and tell him to rescue me, because I just can’t tell this girl that I don’t want to go home with her.

My friend picks me up and we dash out of there. Onto afterhours!

After hours is pretty crowded. Once there, I am immediately approached by this punk rock looking girl. This girl is the girlfriend of my friend who brought me there’s friend. She starts touching my hair, I tell her, “that’s two dollars my friend.” She keeps touching it and running her hands through my hair. I look over at the boyfriend. This is awkward.

It turns out that this girl is a total loon. Still, we go back to her and the boyfriends house once afterhours is over, thinking that there will be people (girls) there.  Instead, it’s just them two and this gay kid who has a v-neck t-shirt on exposing his hairy chest. We don’t stay long.

One of my goals is to get better women. I’ll admit that “getting better with women” is very vague wording. What that means is that I would like to stop OOZING low self confidence wherever I go. It will be a good day when I log on to this blog and there are no “could haves” or “should haves” littered throughout my stories.