Tag Archives: redhead

The Best Year of My Life (part 6)

“If you are not making the progress that you would like to make and are capable of making, it is simply because your goals are not clearly defined.” – Paul J. Meyer

Okay, so we’re a month into 2009 now, was January one of the best months of your life?

Let’s take a look at things:

I feel 1000 times better ever since I quit my job, but being unemployed has its own problems. I am not in a negative mindset where I am wondering what the FUCK I am doing with my life anymore. No, I am certainly not nearly as depressed as I once was, but I am constantly wondering where my next meal will come from.

As far as women go, it’s nice having the redhead to talk to everyday, and chillin’ with HipsterGirl every so often. Having multiple girls in my life is unprecedented, but I do feel like I could be doing so much more.

I didn’t meditate nearly as much as I wanted to, but I did consistently write in my blog for the whole month. Having a daily slap in the face is beneficial.

So yes, January was actually a great month for me, but do I feel like I am at the place where I need to be? Absolutely not.

Plus the Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Without further ado:

1. Develop Attraction Skills

This past weekend was bad for me. I didn’t accomplish any of the goals I set out for myself. I drank too much on Friday and it affected my mood on both Saturday and Sunday.

This weekend, I am going to cut down on the drinking partly because I just cannot afford to put it in too hard, but also because it is affecting whether I open or not. I have committed to going out three days (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).

2. Learn How to Drive

I am considering crossing this goal out.

Yesterday, Hero said that it’s pointless for me to learn if I don’t have a car to drive once I get the license. I countered with the belief that once I get the license, I will be more apt to get a car. It’s like the chicken or the egg discussion.

Still, Hero is on vacation this week, so no practice until he gets back. I could ask my friends, but King Lear’s car is broken, and The Roommate… oh, I guess I should be getting at him, shouldn’t I? He is a busy dude, though!

3. Look for New Job

I went hard at this yesterday. Not in the conventional sense, though.

I started researching different avenues by which I can make money online, from the comfort of my own home. It’s not that hard by most accounts but it does take time, patience,  and capital.

I have maybe a month before I run out of money and that is not enough time to start earning a sustainable salary, so I am applying for jobs. I have lost the total ambition to go back and work for the man, though.

There HAS to be a light at the end of this tunnel!

4. Better Management of $$$

Sunday through Wednesday I spent a combined total of maybe $40. Thursday through Sunday I spent a good $100.This includes eating out twice on both Saturday and Sunday. On Saturday I had pre-planned dates, but on Sunday I should have known better.

Still, my bills are paid for the month and I cancelled a few services. Hopefully, once my taxes are filed I should be able to make it through the end of March.

5. Take the GRE

Have not done at all. Embarassing. Better planning is in order.

Okay, see you guys later this week.

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Push

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, an hour, a day or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.” – Lance Armstrong

I am tired right now.

I can barely keep my eyes open.

What’s funny is that I had ample sleep last night and I just woke up from a nap. Still, I am tired.

I actually contemplated forgoing writing this post for sleep, but instead decided to man up and get my writing on. Plus, there were a couple of other pieces of business I needed to attend to.

Wow, I am actually being responsible for once!

Still, this is going to be a shorter post.

Last night, was a good night.

King Lear came over pretty early and together we headed to the bar up the street. No one was there when we got there, which was cool, so we grabbed a few beers and watched the place fill up with people.

I talked to a girl briefly who wasn’t feeling me, but I didn’t care, the redhead would be in attendance tonight. She made her way upstairs a good ways into the night, and we had a great time dancing and making out pretty publicly.

When it was time to go, she accused me of talking to a other girls, which I didn’t think I was doing, although I was pretty damn tanked at the time. I went to the bathroom and she had left by the time I got back.

Maverick thinks this was a shit test.

King Lear and I went to after hours for a little, tried to talk to these three girls, but we didn’t get much progression fromthat.

Anyways, I awoke this morning to a facebook message saying that the redhead had a great time last night. Maybe she is just really insecure about getting it poppin’, I don’t know.

This afternoon we started texting again, and she invited me to go see The Reader, which is a good movie! No making out during this date, but that was moreso on my part, I don’t like PDA’s when I’m not WASTED.

Tomorrow is zazenkai at the zendo. I plan to be there for half of the day. From lunch onwards. They make great food at the zendo for lunch. It’ll be good to get some meditation in.

The Ultimate Dabbler

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” — Calvin Coolidge

First off, let me say that last night’s premiere of LOST was GREAT! I hope that the rest of this season will keep up the quality of yesterdays episode! If you haven’t checked out that show yet, do yourself a favor and start at the beginning. I can’t say enough about this show, it is my second favorite next to THE WIRE.

Yesterday, I had a driving lesson with Hero.

Hero and I have been friends for over two years now, and I consider him a close friend of mine. We don’t hang out too much depending on what part of the year it is. The reason is that he mainly goes to top 40 clubs, which I like to go to too, except in the winter I decide to go to mainly hipster events. I get bored of too much of any scene after awhile.

Also, when I go out with Hero, it almost always purely to sarge, and in the past  I have NEVER opened, so nights out with Hero have tended to be on the dull or disappointing side. I can count so many nights where I have gone out with Hero, and we have just stared at everyone else having a good time. The time moved sooooooo slowly.

Anyways, I can always count on Hero to give me his unabashed advice on anything. Some of his advice I agree with, some of his advice I don’t agree with, and some of his advice I file away and think about later. Yesterday Hero told me, amongst a lot of other things, that I spread myself too thin.

And he was right.

I engage myself in too many activities and in the process, I do a pretty shitty job at all of them. If I consolidated and concentrated on a few goals, then I would have much better success.

I am what George Leonard calls a Dabbler.

To become a master at a task, I must consistently work at it. I haven’t read the book yet, but Malcolm Gladwell often talks about the 10,000 hour rule. In order to become a master I must work at that task for 10,000 hours.

Here is the progress curve of a person achieving mastery looks something like this:

progress1

Instead of consistent progress, I often do a task for a little while, get bored of it, then move onto something else. In this way, I have become shitty at a myriad of tasks. Here goes a very common progress curve of me:

dabbler

Those squiggly lines are the skills I have built slowly going down.

So what can I do about this? How can I break myself from the rut of being a dabbler?

Well, I think I am making great progress towards that by writing in this blog daily. I have been consistently updating for 22 days now, and tracking my progress twice a week. I can’t remember who, but a recurring theme in self-help says that success in one thing will lead to success in other things. So, by keeping consistent with this blog, I will likely become successful in other goals, as well.

So yes, Hero is right when he  says that I spread myself too thin. It’s true, in addition to my goals listed in the Best Year of My Life, there are a TON of other leisure activities I engage in. Fantasy Basketball, Travian, my incessant addiction to my Google Reader, comic books, wrestling, the list goes on.

What I need to do is prioritize. First and foremost, I think that the goals listed in the Best Year of My Life are highly doable-many of the tasks don’t require daily practice and even those that do can be reduced.

I think it is also important that if I don’t complete a task, I need to stop kicking myself over it. Oftentimes I start calling myself a failure because I haven’t completed x activity. Also, I have this tendency to go out on a whim and sign myself up for stuff I know that I have no time to do. I have gotten better in the past year, but improvement still needs to be made. Instead of adding tasks, I need to start cutting tasks.

I am going out tonight with King Lear. The redhead also told me she will be there, although she did cancel on our date last night. My goal is to first and foremost, have a good time, but also to shut the fuck up, be a man, and talk to some stranger girls.

Good job, Leigh.

LJBF means “Let’s Just Be Friends”

“You know… I don’t think my father would approve of me dating the undead, and you’re probably too nice a zombie-pirate for me anyway. Let’s just be friends instead.” – Elaine Barley in The Curse of Monkey Island

I went out last night.

My roommate, his ex-girlfriend and I went to see Notorious. A good, but not great, movie. I love this quote that Diddy says to B.I.G:

“In order to change the world, we have to change ourselves.”

Indeed.

On the way home, my roommate dropped me off at the bar where I met up with PartyGirl and PghGirl.

Party, Pgh and I were a team this past summer. We worked together, ate lunch together and went to the bar together. This past fall, Party and I found new jobs and everyone drifted apart. These two can be fun to hang out with, they are a refeshing change from the majority of my friends, because they are not intellectuals and don’t go to hipster events. They are attractive, girly girls that like to dress up and go to the club.

It was $1 Taco night at the bar we were at and I ate four. We were at the bar basically alone so there were no girls to talk to. Instead, I just caught up with those two, whom I hadn’t talked to in a long time. As we were leaving, the girl that PartyGirl’s boyfriend sees on the side walked into the bar. PartyGirl is a really melodramatic person and started freaking out. I found the whole situation funny, nothing happened, though.

I caught a ride with PghGirl as we moved onto a more ritzy bar where PartyGirl’s boyfriend was spinning. It was pretty empty there, too. It was a Monday night, after all. Nothing too eventful happened as we didn’t stay long. I was back home by 12:30am.

Both girls had this revelation about me, they said that I am much nicer and relaxed now because I am getting laid. I have a more positive demeanor than usual. This was funny, because I’m not getting laid right now, but I guess the prospect of having ladies in my life when there usually are none puts me in a much more positive mood.

I had been texting the redhead throughout the whole night. We had patched things up after the debacle on Friday when she was out of control. She thinks that a guy spiked her drink that night and that’s why she acted so erratically. While I certainly won’t rule out of the possiblity of her drink being spiked, I often think that girls use that as a cop out because they can’t hold their liquor. I don’t know redhead all too well though, so a spiked drink may have very well been the case.

During our texting, I have been trying to build things up sexually, but it’s not working. After Friday’s debacle, and me ignoring her on Saturday, something was lost between her and I. It seems much more like a friendship than two people who want to get together and fuck. I don’t know what to do about it. This always happens to me!

Part of me wants to place her down in my priority list, keep her as a friend, if she wants to hang out, then fine. There are sooo many other girls out there. The other part of me wants to get real aggressive and give her an ultimatum, either we start taking things sexually, or we stop talking altogether.

I know that the latter option is not me right now. I am just not that forthright and would begin to feel guilty if things went bad. Remember how I said I wasn’t talking to her after Friday night for awhile? Well I got drunk on Saturday night and started texting her again.

There was another girl I met two months ago where the same thing happened. I took HipsterGirl home the same night I met her at the bar, but unfortunately my penis decided to go into hibernation. We have remained in the friends zone ever since. On New Years eve, she was part of the drunk texting rampage that I went on, but thought all of the messages I sent were funny. I invited HipsterGirl to an MLK day event yesterday, but she declined because she didn’t want to take the bus with me.

So, when I do get up the courage to meet girls, I am STILL not aggressive enough and get thrown into the friends zone. Do you see how much a lack of self-confidence can hamper success in a person’s life? This is all very frustrating, to know what I have to do, but still not do it, just because of my brain.

Or as David Wygant put it so eloquently:

You have no physical handicaps. You have only mental handicaps. You are allowing a weak mind – and your fears and insecurities – to dominate your life. You’re not willing to communicate with people because you’re not willing to push yourself the extra distance.

Geez. that cuts right to the bone. I am going to have to write that somewhere so it’ll be the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning.

Right now, if I were to rate how I treat myself on a scale of 1 to a million bucks, I think $50 would be accurate right now. This needs to STOP and it’s frustrating because I am not sure that I know how!

Since I went out last night, no goals update today, but there will be tomorrow.

The Good, the Bad, and the Redhead

“I like to do my principal research in bars, where people are more likely to tell the truth or, at least, lie less convincingly than they do in briefings and books. “- P.J. O’Rourke

Last night was a good night.

It was nearing party time, and I really had no plans to go out. It was like one degree outside and I felt perfectly comfortable chillin’ in my apartment. My friend, Maverick, had been wanting me to roll with him, but like last week I flaked him off.

Instead, the redhead from Wednesday started on a text messaging/calling frenzy around 9pm.  Originally she had told me she was busy and that we should hang out tomorrow, but now she wanted me to come meet her at the bar.

I shrugged and said, “okay.”

I wasn’t doing anything but watching a Ken Burns documentary, so I quickly got dressed, ate some pasta-tuna salad and caught a cab down to the bar she was at.

HAHA! I am laughing just thinking about the events that transpired at the bar.

I arrive at the bar, and the redhead, as soon as she sees me pulls me away into a corner. She is WASTED! We start making out. I think it’s suspicious that she would do such a thing, and I ask her, “yo, are you here with someone else? It’s totally cool if you are, I can leave, no problem.”

I have been in these situations before and can smell them a mile away. She says, “no, I’m not here with anyone else.” I trust her, we make out some more then I go to meet her friends. She is there with two dudes and a girl. One guy has been married for five years and lives in San Francisco. Still, he is trying to hit on the girl in the group, even though as he puts it “she is a DYKE!” His words not mine. We will call him the “adulterer.”

The other guy is this taller, skinny guy that has really low self-esteem. I can tell as soon as I meet him. I quickly guess that she is there with him. I grab a beer and I think about it some more, and I come up with the assumption that this guy doesn’t have many options in his life, but she uses him as the permanent second option. She gets with other guys in his face, and he does nothing about it, just hopes that she will come home with him in the end.

I am getting weird looks throughout the bar, and yes the situation is awkward, but it’s still early and I figure I’ll buy a ticket to this shit show until around 11 or 12 at which point I’ll move on.

After awhile, the redhead goes into the bathroom with the Lesbian for a LONG time, maybe 30 minutes. In the meantime, I take shots of yager with the Adulterer and the Hanger-On.

The Hanger-On and Adulterer work at the same job, except the Adulterer commutes once a month. The Hanger-On could do the same, but he keeps saying that he is not good at his job, he is only there because he is able to fool people that he does a good job. This guy is more pathetic than I thought. At one point I say to the Hanger-On, “man if she doesn’t come back soon, I am going to start talking to other girls!” He quietly responds, “yeah you should!”

During the break, I ask one of the workers there who is also my friend to get me some information on the redhead. Later on in the night he comes back and says, “yeah, i talked to the bar manager and she was going out with Hanger-On heavy in the summer, but now she gets with other guys right in front of her face. But right now, she is making out with the one girl in the bathroom. I  guess she’s just a freak!”

He pats me on the shoulder and says, “the night is young, my friend.”

Indeed, it is.

The pair come out of the bathroom, the Hanger-On sticks a tongue in the redheads ear, she pulls away, she pulls me aside, we make out some more.

The adulterer gets ready to go, and so does the Lesbian. They leave separately. Not long after, the Hanger-On decides to leave, but I really think he is bringing the car around. The neighborhood we’re in is notoriously difficult to park in.

I figure this is my shot to make it plainfully obvious that I am trying to have sex. I tell her that we are going back to her place, we are going to watch a movie and have fun. She says “no, I barely even know you.” She keeps talking about meeting up tomorrow, and I tell her “maybe,” but at this point, I am more like, “fuck this girl.”  She is getting up to leave anyways, so I finish my beer first. I look out the window to see Hanger-On picking her up. I was right!

The night is still young, as my friend said.

It’s 1 degree outside, I call King Lear and he says that he’s at a bar nearer to my house. I tell him that I’ll meet him there. Except on my way there, I take a wrong turn and end up getting lost for the next TWO HOURS in the freezing cold. That is no exaggeration my friends, TWO HOURS! There were points when I could not move a muscle on my face!

At one point, I actually walked through a graveyard which was fine until about halfway through, when I realized I was walking through a graveyard. I instantly became paranoid and scared, the woods in the distance became houses for all kinds of derelicts, in my imagination.

I tried to call my friends, but none of them were answering.

Why I didn’t just go meet Maverick at a nearby bar, I don’t know.

I finally make it home and it’s past 2 AM-all of the bars are closed. I could go to after hours, but I am not up for it at this point. I tried to take a shower, but the cold water in our bathroom was off. I think the pipe froze from the cold! The only option was to take a boiling hot shower. Instead, I treated it like it was a sauna and sat in the steamy bathroom.

Tangent: Does your dick shrivel up when it’s really cold? I have a pretty nice sized penis, but it was smaller than I had ever seen it after being out in the cold! I started to become scared that this was permanent!

After I warmed up a bit, I put on some porn, but again I just wasn’t interested. I finally went to sleep.

Now why did I say this was a good night? As far as the events of the night were concerned this was a terribly SHITTY night. Seriously, I can’t even remember the last time I had a night worse than this.

Well my friends, it was a good night because of my reactions. In the past, when I would have figured out she was there with another dude, I would have been shattered. I would have flipped out on her and acted like a total idiot. Instead, I was like this is pretty funny and it’s early, I’ll stick around for this, then head somewhere else.

Also, during the long walk, I probably would have had suicidal thoughts. I remember, after having an eerily similar situation a year ago, I was so drunk and so sad, that I walked down the middle of a road, yelling for “THE WORLD TO TAKE ME!” all the meanwhile bawling crying. I am lucky I didn’t die then.

The redhead messaged me at 8AM this morning: “WHAT happened last night?” HAHA! She knows, she just doesn’t want to admit it!

I will probably talk to her again, but not for awhile-probably not today. After all, I do want to get laid. I just don’t want to deal with bullshit like last night. I honestly don’t care if she dates other dudes, I just don’t want her to see other dudes when she is supposed to be meeting up with me. I think that is common sense. Any chance for a relationship is over at this point, I will just keep it casual. I also won’t go out of my way for her anymore.

Man, I am really proud that I didn’t flip out last night! FUCK YEAH!

Before I Let Go

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not a single act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

So, I got fired today.

When I got to work, my boss had given everyone else work to do except for me. I knew something was up. I confronted my boss about it, he said “yeah, you’re probably going to get fired today.”

Cool.

I was down about it during the afternoon, but by the end of the day, I was okay with it. After all, I had put in my two weeks just a few days ago. Granted, the people I was dealing with were very unprofessional, but it’s all water under the bridge at this point. I would soon be done with them forever.

But being fired leaves me in a place of uncertainty.

I haven’t gotten that job, and am not sure if I am going to get it now. My little birdy that works there says it is a paperwork issue. If that job doesn’t work out, I can go work temporary jobs,  I’ll wait a few more days before I try that out.

Shit, I might even go to Obama’s inauguration in the meantime!

Now that I have written about it, the situation doesn’t seem that bad.

Moving on…

I am a huge fan of Google Apps. One app that I have used in the past and am going to implement a lot more is Google Notebook. Anytime there is a blog post that I feel could be of some use to me later, I copy and paste the information into Google Notebook. I have TONS of PUA and self-improvement articles pasted there for later viewing. Lately, I have been posting recipes to make in the future.

I actually went through my Google Notebook tonight and cleaned out a lot of garbage. It’s amazing to see the kind of blogs that I thought would be important to me a year ago as opposed to right now. I am now able to sift through the bullshit a lot easier.

Tonight I went to a quasi-rave.

I know that I should save my Thursday night post for Friday, but this night was pretty uneventful-I will post my goals update tomorrow, instead.

I went to the quasi-rave because it was my friend, Youngun’s, birthday.

Youngun is a girl that hollered at ME two years ago, and although things didn’t work out, we have remained friends ever since. She was my first girl after The One, and was very helpful in helping me get over her.

Initially, I didn’t want to go, it was COLD outside 9 degrees to be exact, right now it’s -1 degrees. WOW! Instead, I trekked down the street in this cold weather, I thought I was going to be frozen alive!

When I got there, I was  surprised, it was pretty crowded there! Lot of hot hipster girls to talk to.

I didn’t talk to any.

I did talk to Laura for a good bit, who was PLASTERED off of her ass, and another Asian girl that I remembered from another bar, but that’s about it. Most of the girls had left within 30 minutes of me getting there, but that is still no excuse.

I did have a good time, I can’t complain, but I am disappointed in myself. I should have opened some girls. I am going to have to dedicate some time on my off-day to my approach anxiety. I need to get rid of this the best that I can!

A note on the blog title. I was listening to the Frankie Beverly and Maze song as I edited the  post this morning and felt that it’d be very fitting.

Dancing Monkey

“…And if I had the chance, I’d ask the world to dance, I was dancing with myself… oh oh uh-oh!” – Billy Idol

Last night, for lack of a better word, was strange.

A shit show, even.

It started at 7PM. People started coming over my house to watch the playoff game and start drinking. This was incredibly early to start, even for us, but because everyone had it in their mind that it was time to start drinking, who was I to say no?

We had a case of Yuengling, and after Baltimore won, King Lear and I watched The Professional before heading out to the bar.

It is now 10PM.

Before we leave, we notice the police parked in the street outside of our apartment. As we are going to King Lear’s car the cop stops us and says, “don’t leave yet, you’re getting a ticket for parking on the sidewalk.” We looked at Lear’s car-it was crooked and parked WELL on the sidewalk. It had been snowing the past two days, and I live on a hill, King Lear had originally parked the car on the sidewalk, but the car slipped, turned to the right, and there we have what looked like a botched parking job.

And so began our weird night.

King Lear had just gotten paid, so he took it upon himself to get us tanked tonight. Upon arrival, we order a Las Vegas Bomb, which is what we normally do, but that was followed by a vodka bomb no more than 15 minutes later.

Oh my, this would be a messy one.

I told Lear to slow down, as I didn’t want to black out tonight. I ended up talking to this one girl who was sitting next to me at the bar, but she was already there with a guy. Plus I didn’t find her attractive.

At one point I sat next to a guy that was more enamored with the Cardinals blowout than the bar. We struck up a conversation, and somehow he got into telling me about his addiction to cocaine. “I have lost friends, my job, gone into debt, everything because of cocaine.” I nodded my head, I didn’t know what to say.

This poor guy, when he realizes that we can get cocaine rather easily, is like can you guys get me an 8-ball? We tell him, “no, we can’t. We’re not going to do that to you.” Then he starts to rationalize to us the reasons why he’d be okay if we got it for him. We insist on telling him no. When he won’t stop, I tell him that he’d have to pay 3x the price for it. That got him to go away pretty quickly.

My thoughts on cocaine and drugs in general is this: when done in moderation there is nothing wrong with doing drugs. They can be fun when used responsibly. When done in excess however, drugs, cocaine especially, quickly become a problem, and this is what happened to our poor guy. I personally don’t care for cocaine all too much. I am more the kind of guy that likes to eat mushrooms and gain some perspective on the world.

The poor guy also told us he can get other pills like adderall, but we shove him off. Yeah, you and everybody else on the planet, buddy.

Later, I talked to a teacher and her friend, who actually worked at a place I used to work. Both of these girls were REALLY cute. I opened by saying, “…and I’ll take a lemon drop, thank you.” The girl actually got the lemon drop. I graciously say thank you, but I tell her that I didn’t really want it. We strike up a good conversation, but once again, I can’t hold the line. No sexual intent, no nothing. Conversation without intent means that you are a dancing monkey.

My roommate and other friends arrive on the scene.

We goof around for a little bit. We play some music on the jukebox, then drink a LOT more to the point where I would say I am pretty wasted. King Lear, on the other hand, is slurring his words, which I’ve NEVER seen him do before. He is a pretty big guy that can throw down with the best of them. He must have been off taking shots when I wasn’t around.

Two black girls are waiting for a drink and I talk to them. One of them pulls the afro pick out of my blazer. “How did you know it was there?” I asked her. She says, “I just know.” Nothing really happens there. They walk off five minutes later. Again, a dancing monkey.

PartyGirl and her friend also come through.

PartyGirl is my best friend that’s a girl. I used to work with her and she dates one of my friends. She is really cool and likes to go out a lot. She is hot and all of her friends are hot-I mean the kind of girls that date professional football players.

Our ever expanding group continues to goof around. My roommate tries to holler at PartyGirl’s friend. He also has a black girl that he talked to like two weeks ago on the other side of the bar. My roommate, who is also my best friend, is the man. He doesn’t really try to get women, but always seems to have pretty hot ones around. I wouldn’t say he’s a cassanova, but he does pretty well for himself.

The teacher and her friend, probably after seeing me talking to Party Girl say hello from across the bar. My social value has gone up. I don’t do anything with it, though.

At the end of the night, I start talking to a redhead and get her number. She actually opened me, she said that she liked my dancing and the fact that I always looked like I was having a good time. I messaged her a few times later that night, but I didn’t cut it off soon enough. She stopped messaging me after awhile. Fuck. Maybe I was too needy?

I messaged her a bit during the football game, she seemed pretty receptive. Sometimes being a Dancing Monkey has its advantages!

Still, at the end of the night, I felt disappointed in myself. Mostly this was because I was drunk. I need to stop being outcome dependent. I also need to meditate consistently, this vastly lessens any outbursts 0f anger or sadness I might have, even while drinking.

I know I said I was going to go out tonight, but when I woke up tonight, I made the decision that I would take it easy. I would much rather have a good night of rest, take care of some stuff around the apartment, and arrive to work in good condition tomororw. I might make it out on Tuesday, I haven’t decided yet.

So what are my sticking points?

– Need to set the sexual intent early in the conversation.

– Need to not be outcome depdendent. Need to curb outbursts of sadness and anger-meditation will help.

– Need to be more aggressive.