Tag Archives: rsd

Success is a journey, not a destination

*”Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” – Arthur Ashe

I was reading through the RSD forum today and came across this very inspiring post. It is about trusting myself to do the things that I want to do. Too often I find myself caught in my head and start thinking negatively in the direction of doubt. Meditation does wonders for eliminating these thoughts.

Sealdan’s post also got me thinking about what I want out of being a PUA:

Some people want the rock-star lifestyle of banging a new hot chick every night. Some people want the ability to get any girl they want… anytime, anywhere, anyplace. Some people just want that one special girl without the feeling of scarcity. Some people want something in between all of this. Some people just want to live a better life overall. Anything is totally fine. No one’s forcing you to live a certain way.

If you don’t know what you want out of life yet, that’s okay. You’ll find it as long as you keep working to do so.

I am not sure about what I particularly want out of being a PUA yet. Aw, who am I kidding, I would LOVE to live a rockstar kind of lifestyle. I imagine it would get old pretty quickly like most things I have aspired to do and done in life, but I would like to have the experience.

I do know that, for as long as I can remember, I have spent a lot of my time daydreaming about myself being perceived as having higher value in social situations. I often come up with some very creative ploy that makes me famous and therefore the talk of the town. When I was in junior high and high school, I did a few outrageous things just to get attention that I am not proud of. These acts often included lies and deceit.

The trick is to be content. That’s not to say that I shouldn’t work towards something better, but to be content with where I am now, and now that I am moving in a positive direction. I have to enjoy the journey, as they say.

*****

I skipped the zendo weekly meditation today, although I meditated in the morning. In fact, I have created a nice little morning routine consisting of: meditation, light exercise (pushups, hip raises, sit ups, and squats), and cooking breakfast. After that, I write down everything I need to accomplish throughout my day and get to it. Usually, I put in work straight through from 12pm-7pm, with minor breaks to check blogs and such. I actually slept through the evening group meditation session. Oh well, there is always next week.

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Flaking

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” – Woody Allen

Real quick, I am about to pass out here.

I went to see this guy lecture this afternoon, but when I got there, I peeked in, and the room looked full. I quickly walked away and didn’t partake in the lecture. I saw people go in after me, find a seat and sit down.

I felt like a pussy in a lot of ways, I should have just walked in and taken a seat. Instead, I just cowered away like always…

UGH.

I AM GOING TO DO BETTER!

Anyways, I also went out tonight. It was funk and soul night and my man was spinning. This was actually the after party for the guy lecturing. ManOnCouch and I rolled through, the jams were playing, we had a good time. There weren’t many girls there, but the few that were there, approached MOC. Good for him!

I was supposed to meet the Redhead there, but she never showed up. She flaked on me, because she was painting with a friend. I am going to tell her that we are no longer text friends and that she must now call me if she wants to talk to me!

*******

Hero came back from his RSD bootcamp today, he didn’t have as great a time as I hoped. I think, in large part, it’s because his (and my) standards were set to high. He had a bootcamp with Jeffy, and over the couple years I have known him, we have grown to idolize him. Seeing him in person as a human must have stepped him down a notch.

Still, if I had 2,000 to blow, I would take a bootcamp with RSD and no one else. No one else seems even as close to professional!

Life as a Spectator

In the long run men hit only what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high. – Henry David Thoreau

I woke up today with a feeling of dread. As I tossed around in my bed for an hour or two and thought about my life, I came to the conclusion that there are two kinds of people in this world, “spectators” and “performers.” My friends, I am a spectator.

I can sit around all day and watch other people do things. I can watch my favorite team play football on the television, I can watch people having sex in adult videos, I can listen to rappers talk about the great lives they have etc. etc.. In my own personal life, I can watch my start working on a skill, they can learn to start dj’ing, or they can start. I can watch them fail, I can watch them succeed, but in the end I am always watching and end up saying, “I wish I had their life,” for better or worse.

Yesterday was Saturday, my last night out in my marathon of going out, spanning four nights.

I wish I could say, that last night was better than the last, because I finally got off my ass and did what I intended to do when I went out, but the fact is, I can’t. Sure, last night was better than Friday night, I didn’t text anyone and didn’t ruin any potential relationships.

But it still was a rather “blah” night.

After the previous night, I resolved that I wasn’t going to go out, I was going to stay inside and relax, which I hadn’t done since this past Tuesday night. Around 9pm, I changed my mind, telling myself that I have to go out if I want to get better. If I ever want to become the true social butterfly that I want to become, I have to go.

My roommate was spinning at after hours.

I decided that I would forgo going out for regular bar hours. I would instead relax until around 2 AM then head over. Around 10 o’clock King Lear comes over, and while watching the 40 year Old Virgin, I tell him, “we should go get a case.”

We go down to the beer distributor only to find that it’s closed. I tell him, “shit, might as well just go to the bar.”

We go to the bar and end up talking to these two girls. The (cuter) Indian girl my friend had been talking to off and off for quite awhile. The other girl was pretty cool, and I thought we were hitting it off, but at some point she moved away from me.

The conversations I engage in always seem canned. I feel like I’m always at a loss for words to say or to make the conversation move forward. No matter how many conversations I get into, I always end up doing the resume routine. “Oh, what do you do?” “What do you do in your free time?” BORING!

It’s not even that I am uninteresting. I think that I am one of the most interesting people that I know. It’s just that, right now, I am having a difficult time presenting that interesting person within the first 30 seconds-2 minutes of meeting a person.

Next week, I am going to resolve to break the resume chain. I was listening to Natural Tim last week and he says that he interrupts and says, “hey, I think [whatever the current subject is] is cool, but I don’t really want to talk about that right now. Let’s have fun!” Then I’ll have to figure out what we’d have to do to have fun.

Overall, I feel inhibited, scared even, when I am out in social situations. It’s like there is a voice in the back of my head that prevents me from doing what I want to do. I have to get rid of this voice because it is grossly impeding my progress.

After the bar, we went to after hours. There was NO ONE there. We drank, went to the diner at around 6am. Then I came home and slept.

Today is the end of my extended Christmas vacation.

I know that a lot of my posts have been dealing with PUA material, or just a basic rundown of my bar life. Expect a change in material over the course of the week, until well, the weekend comes again.

I think that this blog has been immensely helpful the past couple of days. It has kept me productive and makes me more conscious of things as I go throughout my day.

I am going to make a pledge to post on this blog everyday. I am also going to make a pledge to be absolutely honest in every post. I read over some of the posts I write, and I think to myself, “wow, this guys sounds like a whiny boy, why doesn’t he get off of his ass and just DO the things he talks about doing everyday?”

It’s hard for me to read over some of my posts, I feel embarassed about them, but in the end, if I ever want to become a better person, this will help me.

The Art of Drunk Texting

“I can say whatever I want, to whoever I want, whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want…” – Eminem

I am not proud of my actions last night.

It started off badly. I lost a sack of herb somewhere in my room and spent an hour plus looking for it. The sack is still at large.

My friend, “King Lear” and I, arrive at the bar at 9pm. I am in great spirits even though I just lost sixty bucks worth of product.

King Lear didn’t have any money so I would be footing the bill tonight. The bar we go to is the one where our friend works and we regularly get a crazy discount. We arrive at 9 P.M.

Nothing of consequence really happens the whole night, we take a LOT of shots. chat with some friends, some girls, but nothing *too* aggressive. There was a girl with HUGE boobs that I wanted to talk to, but didn’t.

Anyways, dejected, I leave paying a $54 tab for the evening. Not too shabby for five hours of drinking.

Except at this point, I get it into my mind that it is time to start drunk texting! Commence the shit show!

I had been listening to Tim’s Flawless Natural program at work over the past week and remembered that he messaged girls that didn’t respond to him with the simple text message: “you are shit.” I was drunk, I thought this was a great idea, so I messaged like three girls with this message. Of course I get messages back that say, “don’t ever talk to me again,” “goodbye, asshole.” Basically, they all tell me that I am a wonderful human being.

I know that I some exchange of words after that, but my recollection is hazy. I can’t look at my sentbox to see what I sent because at some point, I must have realized that I was drunk texting and proceeded to delete all of the girls numbers I was drunk texting. Then I emptied out my sentbox and inbox.

Now, I can’t even say “hey, I’m sorry” because I don’t remember the numbers. I am not sure I would say sorry anyways, I  would probably try to play it off and say I meant to type “you are THE shit.”

Meanwhile, I have inadvertently started off 2009 with a clean slate. Nope, no more girls of 2008, 2009 chicks will be all new baby!

King Lear and I moved onto after hours, where our one boy was dj’ing. This is where I did most of my text messaging. I spent a large portion of the night sitting on a bench and sending them out. Around 3 A.M. my ex-girlfriend, The One, started texting me, and this started a whole new round of texting. This exchange wasn’t mean at all, but it was just simply unnecessary.

I do feel embarrassed, but I’m smiling as I sit here typing this. I am not angry at myself because this is not something I do all of the time. I simply need to learn not to be outcome dependent and have the most fun possible in the present moment, even when I am shitfaced drunk. If I were to see any of these girls in person, I would sincerely apologize, and would understand if they don’t want to talk to me. I would even understand if they hit me or spilled a drink on me, which would be a first for me and hey, I’m all about new experiences!

They are just girls that I was not emotionally attached to. There are many more fish in the sea, and I will just move on.