Tag Archives: self-help

My HERO!

“We can all be heroes in our virtues, in our homes, in our lives.” – James Ellis

So I went back to the bar I was at last Thursday. Why? Because I thought TeacherGirl would be there! I wanted to clear up any shit that might have been caused by King Lear. I also wanted to figure out if I had gotten a wrong number.

Yes, I know this was a stupid stupid idea. If she gave me a bad number, so what? MOVE ON! However, it perplexes me that she would do such a thing, I feel like I hit it off with her pretty well, and maybe she just dialed it wrong.

She wasn’t there tonight.

I’ll see her again, it’s Pittsburgh, but if I don’t, oh well. Next week, I might go back to 80’s night and see LeaderGirl. The only reason I didn’t go to see LeaderGirl tonight was because I had no cash on hand, and I risked overdrafting at the bar I went to tonight.

King Lear decided not to go tonight, which was one of the rare times I’ve been at this bar without him. I was messaging the dude desperately wanting him to come out because I didn’t want to go out alone. In the end, it wasn’t a big deal. There were no real targets at the bar, and really only his ex-girlfriend hit on me pretty aggressively, but I’m not interested in her at all. Not to say that she isn’t attractive because she is, but she went out with my good friend to the point that she LIVED with him, that is NOT a good idea by any definition of the word!

If anything, I should have gotten at Hero, who was undoubtedly out tonight. Shit, he goes out any night he’s not working. He doesn’t drink anything but water, and goes out with the sole purpose of picking up women, he is a TRUE PUA.

The problem with Hero is that I usually feel uncomfortable when I go out with him. If the place is not up to his standards of girls, and 9/10 times it isn’t, then we have to leave. Most times I do agree with him, there are not enough girls to faciliate opening, but there is definitely work to be done, and oftentimes, we still stand there and do nothing.

Still, sometimes I just want to chill, get comfortable, and see what happens. He doesn’t drink so this is not an option for him. He is die hard. I admire him for this, I really do. If PUA was an army, he’d be first infantry, right there out on the front lines blasting at whomever, not giving a fuck if he died.

I realize that sitting and chilling is not conducive to PUA, and I think that in some ways I am not cut out to be one. Ultimately, all I really want to do is to be able to talk to females and elicit attraction more often than not. I want to get in touch with my core masculine identity and have a consistent roster of girls that I can get in touch with. A byproduct of this is that I will be able to talk to males and females that I’m not interested in.

Hero thinks this is stupid, he is not trying to befriend guys or ugly girls, he is just trying to fuck hot chicks. Sometimes I think that goes against him, because I feel like there is this weird aura that goes around him, that says, “fuck you, I only want your hot chicks!” Whereas with me, I say, “hey if you’re a cool and don’t smell, we can chill and talk, no problem. If you have hot girls around you though, I MUST talk to them.” I don’t make PUA the end all be all of a night, I just try to have the most fun I think that I can possibly have, and sometimes that is after only talking to maybe one girl.

By the way, I’m not trying to paint Hero as a villain or anything, I am just trying demonstrate how our minds our different in the way we go about things. We started PUA at the same time, and by far he has had the most succeess, no disputing that. Still, I feel that I have to have my own journey, as he has to have HIS own journey.

Hero is actually planning to move to Vegas, which is an idea I planned two years ago. He wants to go there for strictly PUA. Jeffy from RSD says that there is no better place on Earth to open women. My idea was to go there just because I think it would be a unique experience-I don’t think you could anywhere in the world that would be like Las Vegas. At first, I’ll admit, I was jealous and tried to discourage him from making this decision, but shortly into the conversation, I realized my wrongdoing and began encouraging him to make this move in his life.

Seriously, I wish him the best of luck, but Hero is so smart I’m sure he won’t have much of a problem. In a way, I am sad because if he’s gone, and Roommate and Crafton don’t really go out anymore, and King Lear is out of commission most nights because he has a girlfriend, then that means I will be going out solo a lot this summer.

Maybe this will be the kick in the butt that I need!

All in all, GREAT times ahead, my friends!

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Visualize the Endgame (let’s try this again)

“We do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do.”- Great Debaters

I have no clue what happened to my post yesterday, and honestly I don’t think there was anything TOO important that I needed to re-write the whole thing today. I will however, incorporate parts from yesterday into today’s post.

I am going to keep the blank post, as a reminder that I DID do something that day, even if the content is myseriously gone.

First, let’s  respond to a comment in response to a recent post:

Raba_D writes:

Dude you sound like the pua tylor durden. Relax and drop the porn. Just play the game more. Or you are simply becoming gay.

Well, I don’t think I’m becoming gay.

However, you are absolutely right in that I need to just drop the porn. I decided I woudl stop two days ago (Feb 17) for at least 30 days. It takes around that time to create or break a habit, so I am hoping that the desire will go away after that. It’s funny, whenever I get bored, porn is the first thing I turn to.

Yesterday, I talked about the endgame. I had been watching Heroes, and one of the shows antiheroes/antagonists, Sylar, had been talking about always knowing your outcome before starting something. Sylvester Stallone said the same thing when he was trying to get Rocky produced.

I spent some time visualizing the end game for my own goals:

1.) PUA – Being able to do approach any woman and more often than not, elicit attraction. I see myself at a TOP 40 bar near my house, casually talking to women as if it’s no big deal. The most remarkable thing is my MINDSET, which is devoid of the noise that I usually have when I’m at the bar. I am as calm as I might be if I spent a weekend at a zen retreat. I look to my phone and notice all of the women’s numbers in there, which is such a contrast from a few years ago.

2.) I have finished my rap album, and am now performing here and there at shows locally. The album artwork looks great, and there is even a cool little video on youtube. Every so often, a person I don’t even know tells me that they like my album and I smile about it.

3.) I have applied to grad. school and have been accepted into a Library Science program. The hours are long, but it’s great to have some direction in my life, career wise.

I plan on going out tomorrow, but barring a few events that I really can’t control, I probably won’t have any money. I just checked my bank balance, $3. I do have TONS of food, however. I imagine I will just head to a hipster bar up the street for the night, we’ll see though.

Visualizing the Endgame

The Lights Go Out and the Ball Gets Dropped

“I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” – Marilyn Monroe

Last Wednesday night, the electricity here went out for a good 18 hours. There were hurricane like winds and I guess shit got blown out.

Obviously, I wasn’t able to post for a day or two. However, even afterward, I was out of the habit, and it’s taken me this long to get back on the horse.

Since we’re looking at the past, let’s look at how the past weekend went:

Thursday

I got bored sitting at home with no electricty, so I went over to King Lear’s. Toegether, we were bored out of our minds and decided that we should take advantage of the relatively good weather and take a stroll across town. He brought his camera and we had an adventure. We saw some people we knew, met some new people, checked out a few lesser known sites of the city, it was all around a good time.

Around 8:45 we headed to the bar.

Nothing of note really happened, outside of TeacherGirl making an appearance. I had met TeacherGirl last week and thought I really hit it off with her, but when I called texted her at the number she gave me later that night,  it was the wrong digits.

When she said hello, I didn’t mention the wrong number because maybe I’ve read too many PUA texts and generally they said that would be a bad idea. Still, I had a hard time masking that I was angry at her, so much so that she came back later and said that I seemed angry at her. I told her, “no, not at all.” This was a complete lie, because of course my feelings were hurt. But that was how I WANTED To feel.

It’s hard to put the ego down sometimes. It feels like, no matter how hard I try, I am still very much attached to this world. The point is to stop trying, the enlightened buddhist might say. I am thinking too much.

Anyways, I tried to chat her up, but after like a minute she interrupted and told me she had to go. Very awkward exchange. Part of it is because King Lear was rude to her. The next day I pondered whether she had just been in error in giving me the number or whether she had intentionally given me the wrong number. If the number she typed in was error, then she was probably pissed that I never called.

I guess I’ll never know. If I see her again, I COULD confront her about it, but even if she did, she’d probably deny it, and I’d get the number out of pity.

I am THINKING too much. Fuck, I am a chode. I am going to assume good faith, and if I ever do see her again, tell her that I think she mistyped her number into my phone and that’s why I never called. It’s honest and non-accusatory, I like it.

We went to after hours later and somehow made it like 14 hours of drinking constantly. I had a nice buzz going, but I wasn’t drunk because I didn’t want to repeat last week.

****

Friday:

I didn’t go out on Friday for the second week in a row. It’s hard when you put in Thursdays like that. Not this week though, I am going to do all three days this weekend.

****

Saturday:

I went out by myself.

No one I roll with wanted to go out, and I had stuff to do until around 11-11:30, so I went to a nearby bar where my friends were spinning and they had *gasp* a pudding wrestling competition.

Now, there are a number of a reasons a pudding wrestling competition doesn’t appeal to me. Firstly, I went to college and I was in a frat, so I’ve seen many pudding/jello/plain wrestling competitions in my day. Secondly, in an over-sexualized society where I can see Ava Devine get blasted in her vagina and her asshole at the same time with a few clicks of the mouse, something as tame as a pudding wrestling competition isn’t going to do anything for me. Lastly, I go out to talk to girls, and pudding wrestling didn’t strike me as a place to talk to women.

I stayed until the first round was over then I headed to another bar.

I ran into HipsterGirl at the next bar. HipsterGirl is the one I ate mushrooms with not too long ago. I come in just as her friends are leaving. We talk for awhile about whatever.

She tells me at one point, “I really like hanging out with you…” while staring into my eyes, which would have been any self-respecting man’s invitation for a full makeout session, but nope. I dropped the ball.

We head back to the pudding wrestling because she wants to, but the nights over. I don’t know why I wasted our time. After that, we went to a random house party where she kinda knew the people living there. She started talking to this dude she knew and I felt out of place so I left.

She asked me at one point, “Should I be leaving with you…?”” And I simply said, “No, stay.” I think my ego was bruised at this point because she was paying more attention to this guy than me, but there is this feeling inside me that I just didn’t care if she came back to my place or not. Maybe I am just not attracted to her like that.

Maybe it’s, like I said before, that I was looking more forward to seeing Ava Devine get blasted with two dicks than actually bringing a girl home myself.

Sad.

*****

SO HERE WE ARE AT A NEW WEEK!

Routine-wise, I hope to pick up where last week left off. I have been exercising, meditating, and writing rhymes every morning/afternoon, depdending on when I wake up. I want to add a little running at some point – that’ll happen this weekend and eventually, move my meditation up to 30 minutes. Twenty minutes feels so short!

Most importantly though, I want to put down the porn for a little while. I don’t watch it nearly as much as I used to, but I still feel like it ruins my experiences when I go out. A once a week binge would be good.

The problem is, that I don’t get excited about sex. I get nervous about it, because I am not sure if I’ll be good in bed or not. For porn however, since I am not dependent on anyone, I am totally in control.

Ah, I’m thinking too much again. I need to assume that I’ll always perform well, and enjoy sex as sex. Live in the present moment, motherfucker.

One day it’ll click for me, you’ll see!

Success is a journey, not a destination

*”Success is a journey, not a destination. The doing is often more important than the outcome.” – Arthur Ashe

I was reading through the RSD forum today and came across this very inspiring post. It is about trusting myself to do the things that I want to do. Too often I find myself caught in my head and start thinking negatively in the direction of doubt. Meditation does wonders for eliminating these thoughts.

Sealdan’s post also got me thinking about what I want out of being a PUA:

Some people want the rock-star lifestyle of banging a new hot chick every night. Some people want the ability to get any girl they want… anytime, anywhere, anyplace. Some people just want that one special girl without the feeling of scarcity. Some people want something in between all of this. Some people just want to live a better life overall. Anything is totally fine. No one’s forcing you to live a certain way.

If you don’t know what you want out of life yet, that’s okay. You’ll find it as long as you keep working to do so.

I am not sure about what I particularly want out of being a PUA yet. Aw, who am I kidding, I would LOVE to live a rockstar kind of lifestyle. I imagine it would get old pretty quickly like most things I have aspired to do and done in life, but I would like to have the experience.

I do know that, for as long as I can remember, I have spent a lot of my time daydreaming about myself being perceived as having higher value in social situations. I often come up with some very creative ploy that makes me famous and therefore the talk of the town. When I was in junior high and high school, I did a few outrageous things just to get attention that I am not proud of. These acts often included lies and deceit.

The trick is to be content. That’s not to say that I shouldn’t work towards something better, but to be content with where I am now, and now that I am moving in a positive direction. I have to enjoy the journey, as they say.

*****

I skipped the zendo weekly meditation today, although I meditated in the morning. In fact, I have created a nice little morning routine consisting of: meditation, light exercise (pushups, hip raises, sit ups, and squats), and cooking breakfast. After that, I write down everything I need to accomplish throughout my day and get to it. Usually, I put in work straight through from 12pm-7pm, with minor breaks to check blogs and such. I actually slept through the evening group meditation session. Oh well, there is always next week.

Flaking

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” – Woody Allen

Real quick, I am about to pass out here.

I went to see this guy lecture this afternoon, but when I got there, I peeked in, and the room looked full. I quickly walked away and didn’t partake in the lecture. I saw people go in after me, find a seat and sit down.

I felt like a pussy in a lot of ways, I should have just walked in and taken a seat. Instead, I just cowered away like always…

UGH.

I AM GOING TO DO BETTER!

Anyways, I also went out tonight. It was funk and soul night and my man was spinning. This was actually the after party for the guy lecturing. ManOnCouch and I rolled through, the jams were playing, we had a good time. There weren’t many girls there, but the few that were there, approached MOC. Good for him!

I was supposed to meet the Redhead there, but she never showed up. She flaked on me, because she was painting with a friend. I am going to tell her that we are no longer text friends and that she must now call me if she wants to talk to me!

*******

Hero came back from his RSD bootcamp today, he didn’t have as great a time as I hoped. I think, in large part, it’s because his (and my) standards were set to high. He had a bootcamp with Jeffy, and over the couple years I have known him, we have grown to idolize him. Seeing him in person as a human must have stepped him down a notch.

Still, if I had 2,000 to blow, I would take a bootcamp with RSD and no one else. No one else seems even as close to professional!

The Best Year of My Life (part 7)

“Goals are not only absolutely necessary to motivate us. They are essential to really keep us alive.” – Robert Schuller

What a difference a title makes.

These are actually my most popular posts. I’m pretty sure it’s just because of the title, but in reality these posts are just simple goal reviews that I do once or twice a week.

I’d say that the past couple of days have been great for me in terms of productivity. The key to my success is in implementing a morning routine. Every morning for the past week, I have woke up meditated, then eaten breakfast. Three days ago, I added simple exercises to the routine. Two days ago, I decided to try to try and write rhymes for at least an hour everyday.

This was all inspired by Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art.

I use JoesGoals and tick off every little task that I do. It’s great to see nothing but green marks on the screen everyday.

I started using RescueTime to track just where all of my time is going when I’m online. Not surprisingly, most of my time is actually spent reading blogs. However, I find that if I take care of everything I need to BEFORE I check the blogs, then the amount of time is drastically reduced.

It’s these minor tweaks that really help a lot.

Without further ado:

1. Develop Attraction Skills

I got a number this weekend, which brings me up to 4 this year out of 6 weeks overall. Which is good for me since I am pretty sure that I’ve equaled my output for all of last year. The number was a wrong one, so I really shouldn’t count it.

This past Saturday sucked balls in terms of doing what I need to do when I go out. I am no longer going to get a beer until I’ve at least said a sentence to a girl I don’t know. Yeah, let’s apply the success I’ve had getting stuff done at the beginning of the day to PUA.

2. Look for New Job

The truth here is that I am really enjoying not working. Not in the lazy sense, because I keep myself active pretty much all day. I woke up at 10AM today, and worked straight through until about 5PM. Took a nap and took care of some more business. I believe that I should be able to last another month or so living comfortably, so I will probably just do that.

I do not want to go back working for the man. I am going to have to formulate a plan that prevents me from doing that.

3. Better Management of $$$

I was good at saving my money all week, then I went to this Brazillian restaurant on Saturday. This was a once in a lifetime experience, and I figured I should splurge on myself every so often.

Notice that I have whittled down my goals to 3, but have actually added other ones that I previously crossed out? Meditation, write rhymes, and exercise used to all be on my list, and I now do them all daily. It seems that once I let go of some goals that they become something that comes naturally into my life.

Until next week.